It wasn’t nearly as easy to gather interviews for this month’s series as I originally imagined. When I conceived 31 Dreams From the Street, I assumed most people would be all in, that most people would jump at the chance to answer a simple question that allowed them to dream big.

But I was wrong.

I told you up front that I expected to be stretched outside of my comfort zone. I told you up front that I’d experience some level of rejection.

But I had no idea I’d experience the level of rejection that I did.

Apparently this question was loaded, more than I knew.

“If you didn’t have to worry about money at all, what would you do with your life?”

This month, I successfully interviewed and featured 25 individuals. All 25 individuals answered my question. All 25 individuals shared their first name and allowed me to take their photograph. All 25 individuals gave me permission to feature them on my blog.

This month, I unsuccessfully approached an additional 20 individuals. (Yes, that means that when all is said and done, I had to get extraordinarily brave 45 times this month!)

Here’s a listing of the 20 rejections from the street:

Non-English Speaking

• A mamasita wearing a beautiful headwrap
• A man collecting aluminum cans in a grocery cart

Chatted Up A Storm, Gave Me Their Full Name, but Refused to Be Interviewed

• A window washer who took my blogging business card and said he was going to hire me to take pictures for his daughter’s wedding, because if I “have a camera like that, [I’m] a professional.”

Straight-Up Rejections

• A mom and her little princess in the Disney store
• A hipster guy on a bike
• A dude selling hair straighteners
• A blue-haired girl in Hot Topic
• A construction worker
• Another construction worker
• A guy watering mums
• Manager at a bank
• Assistant manager at a bank
• A woman getting her shoes shined
• A young lady working the Taco Bell drive-thru

Allowed me to Conduct a Full Interview, but Refused Name and Photograph

• A woman with multiple piercings who just wanted to move to Tahiti and surf all day
• A rico-suave Jewish Orthodox dude who worked in a beauty store and would worship God all day
• A family guy and his son who’d “have a happy, healthy family”
• A man who was laid off from General Motors after 21 years of employment, then laid off from a die cutting company after 11 years of employment
• A dude who’d “be worry free”
• A woman who’d open a clinic and shelter for women who have escaped sex-trafficking

When I conceived the series, I should’ve expected to run into a few non-English speaking individuals. It’s happened before when I’ve approached random strangers for the blog. All I can say is…maybe it’s time to learn Spanish?!

But all the other rejections? I didn’t quite understand.

I knew rejections were inevitable. But the frequency at which I was rejected was much higher than I anticipated.

At least, I’m a fairly benign person. At best, I’m a friendly, approachable person. There’s not much about me that comes off as threatening as far as I can see. And to be completely honest, I don’t think I was asking for a lot. I was asking for an answer to one question, a first name, and a photograph. I would’ve taken an alias name if needed. Heck, I would’ve even taken the photograph from a distance, or pictures of hands, feet, anything just to get a picture that represented the interview.

Still, I was rejected 20 times.

I wondered why so many people rejected me straight up. “Not today,” was the most memorable answer from that group.

Trust is the issue, I suppose.

I wondered why many people talked to me and even answered my question, sometimes at length, but wouldn’t share their first name and/or wouldn’t allow me to take a photograph. My favorites from this group were two gentlemen I interviewed who also shared their FULL NAMES with me, but wouldn’t allow me to take a photograph.

Privacy is the issue, I suppose.

Trust and privacy.

Trust and privacy.

Trust. And privacy.

To be completely honest, I’m not sure why I’m sharing these rejections. I haven’t made any brilliant conclusions that will change the course of history and humankind from here on out. But the rejections prove we’re all human, don’t they?

All I know is that I was shocked at the number of rejections I got.

Some people are highly vigilant about privacy. I get it. Some people have trust issues. I get it. But I wasn’t asking for the world. I wasn’t asking for every detail of their private lives. I wasn’t asking for last names or middle names or maiden names. I wasn’t asking for anything except an answer to one question, a first name, and one photograph.

I wondered if some people thought I was an undercover reporter and was going to flash their photograph and story all over the television screen.

After wanting to quit the series mid-month, my approach rate reduced significantly. I no longer assumed people would say yes to my interview. So I only approached when I had a good hunch they might say yes. I didn’t want to experience more of this rejection, whatever form it took.

None of us want to be rejected. None of us want to be taken advantage of. None of us want to be played, or used up by another human being.

But I find it curious that in order to build and restore trust, in order to develop relationship, in order to live our lives fully, in order to make peace with issues from the past and embrace the dreams we have for our future, we have to get a little vulnerable and take a chance on the unknown.

So do we trust? Or do we not?

Are we willing to engage others simply in order to live more authentically? Or not?

Do we want to connect? Or not?

Are we open to taking chances in life? Or not?

We each decide, don’t we?

After writing this post, I’m feeling a little torn about what I think. I’m not 100% clear as to what I was supposed to learn from those 20 rejections, except that we have issues with trust and privacy in our culture. If I had approached you randomly on the street, would you have answered? Why or why not?Let’s chat. I’d love to engage in some dialogue about this!

 

 

 

 

*This post is a part of a month-long 31 Days series titled Dreams from the Street. If you’d like to read more from my series, click here and you’ll be brought to the series landing page where all 31 posts are listed and linked! You can follow me on Twitter at twitter.com/AmyBPederson where I’ll tweet links to all 31 posts using hashtag #write31days, and I’d LOVE to connect on Facebook at facebook.com/AmyBPederson! I’m so glad you stopped by. Make yourself comfortable and take a peek around the place. You’re welcome back anytime.

I came home and cried that night. Cried to my husband for a world that’s cold, a world that’s harsh, a world that isn’t welcoming all the time. Cried because I didn’t want to do this anymore, this 31 Days. Cried because I wanted to quit.

Earlier that day, I’d spent a few hours in the hustle and bustle of the street. It was my third journey out and about gathering interviews for my series, 31 Dreams from the Street. The interviews were exhilarating and adventuresome at first, but draining and exhausting by week three.

I spent three and a half hours wandering the street and a whole assortment of locations that day. My goal was to gather seven interviews, enough to last the whole week to come. But I only gathered five that day. I tried and tried for six and seven, but continued to come up dry.

Now that I look back, there was good reason I never gathered interviews six and seven that day.

You see, two hours into that day’s adventures in interviewing, I came up against a wall. An invisible wall constructed by a fellow human being who happened to be in my vicinity, who happened to find herself in my path when I was out and about interviewing.

I won’t share details of this encounter, because honestly? The memory is fairly traumatic, like the kind of memory that will stick around for a lifetime whether I like it or not. But I am choosing to share the experience vaguely, because I think there’s something to learn from it.

So this encounter. I didn’t expect it. It came out of nowhere. Had I known it was going to happen, I would have evacuated the vicinity immediately, long before it even happened. But I believe all things happen for a reason, that God works all things together for those who love Him. And He will work this, even this, together for my good.

She was there, in my presence, while I was interviewing another.

She asked what a blog was. And then she proceeded to laugh when I told her what I write about. She laughed in a casual and dismissive way, as if my blog and writing were the stupidest things she’d ever heard of.

I continued with my interview.

At that point, I’d only had my new camera for a couple weeks, so I was still trying to learn all the settings on it. The lighting in the space I was in was notably different than the space I’d just been in. So when I went to take a photograph of the person I was interviewing, I had to take THREE or FOUR shots in order to get ONE that worked. The lighting was really tough to manage with the all manual settings I was attempting to use on my camera. (Let it be known, this had never happened before. I was totally caught off guard and felt like an idiot the way it was. Because I would’ve gotten that shot on the first try had I been a professional and/or fully acclimated to my new camera.) Anyway, before the last shot, she made a snarky, sarcastic comment that really got under my skin. I will never forget her words. They couldn’t have been more rude and belittling. It wasn’t until later that I realized I should’ve responded to her comment differently than I did. But these are the battles you face as a nice, people pleasing person, even when you’re belittled straight to your face.

I continued with my interview.

When I was about to leave the space, I handed a blog business card to the person I was interviewing so they could check out the post later if they chose to do so. This was standard operating procedure for the month. A business card was quick and convenient, with all my information in one place. But when I handed that card to the person I interviewed, the woman laughed. Right there, right in my face. As if me having a blog business card was the lamest, stupidest, most ridiculous thing she’d ever seen.

Having been knocked down not once, but three times during this interview, I was ready to bolt from the scene as quickly as possible.

So I did.

As soon as I handed off that blog business card, I thanked the person I interviewed as kindly as I could, and I bolted. Far off. Straight away. As far as I could go.

Because I’d been made to feel like a fool, like an idiot, like a tiny, tiny girl who didn’t matter one speck.

At that point, I’d gotten five interviews for my series. I had two more to go to meet my goal for the day, but for the next hour and a half, I wandered aimless.

I never did get two more interviews that day. Because I was scared. I felt hollow. Defeated. Low to the ground, like a nothing, a nobody. This series I’d conceived? It suddenly felt like the most lame and ridiculous thing in the world. This writing, it seemed like worthless dream chasing.

I wanted to quit.

This 31 Days had officially eaten my insides alive. It wasn’t worth this. At all.

As far as I was concerned, my encounter with this woman was a 31 Days worst nightmare. Not only that, it impacted my ability to be fully authentic with the person I was interviewing. When someone is subtly and not-so-subtly criticizing you in front of another, you have to wonder about the negative impact it has on everyone.

So I came home. And later that night, I cried. I talked it out as best as I could with my husband. And we agreed, I’d write my thoughts and feelings about 31 Dreams from the Street during the last five days of the series. But I never did tell him about that woman. Because it was simply too embarrassing and belittling. I never will tell anyone the details. They will remain in me, lifted to God, as He’s the only other who saw, really saw, what happened that day.

Over the course of the next four days, I lifted it up. I handed it over. I decided I had to be brave, to keep going, to finish this series just as I’d planned. I needed to get through these interviews, brutal or not.

Four days later, I ventured out. My husband freed me with his words. He said, “Commit to a certain amount of time. Decide that whether you get one interview or ten during that period of time, you’ll be done interviewing after that.”

I got four interviews that night. They all went well.

A couple days later, I got another interview.

And a day after that, I stepped out of the interview box and offered a guest post to my daughter.

On the airplane to the writing conference, Darlene offered to be interviewed when I told her I was wrapping the series and needed another interview.

And on day 26, I decided I just couldn’t do another interview. I gave myself grace. It was okay. I’d already learned the lesson. I’d moved on from the trauma that was.

I don’t know why this happened.

I do know I wanted to quit that day.

I do know my interactions with that woman were traumatizing, forever and unfortunately etched in my memory.

But God calls me to go, anyway. God calls me to continue, anyway. God calls me to write, anyway. Because NOT everyone is going to like me. NOT everyone is going to like what I do. NOT everyone is going to like what I have to say, or how I present myself in this world. If you are that person who doesn’t like me, that person who doesn’t like anything about me? Okay. So be it. The people pleaser in me surrenders. To you. You don’t have to like me.

So I will be brave. I will continue. I will follow this call. I will write, anyway. I will be me, anyway. I will, anyway.

Because I must.

So as I wrap this series, I accept the fact that I don’t write for everyone.

I write for GOD. Because He made me and He called me. Because He knows the most traumatizing things that happen to us, and loves and heals us just the same.

I write for ME.

And I write for YOU, you who have taken time to read one, two or twenty-seven days. For all of you who care, for all of you who understand, for all of you who get it, even a little bit? Thank you.

Cheers. To not quitting because of someone else’s belittling.

Cheers. To the 31 Dayers who have been bold and beautifully brave despite how hard any day’s been.

Cheers. To you.

 

 

 

*This post is a part of a month-long 31 Days series titled Dreams from the Street. If you’d like to read more from my series, click here and you’ll be brought to the series landing page where all 31 posts are listed and linked! You can follow me on Twitter at twitter.com/AmyBPederson where I’ll tweet links to all 31 posts using hashtag #write31days, and I’d LOVE to connect on Facebook at facebook.com/AmyBPederson! I’m so glad you stopped by. Make yourself comfortable and take a peek around the place. You’re welcome back anytime.

 

 

 

*This post is a part of a month-long 31 Days series titled Dreams from the Street. If you’d like to read more from my series, click here and you’ll be brought to the series landing page where all 31 posts are listed and linked! You can follow me on Twitter at twitter.com/AmyBPederson where I’ll tweet links to all 31 posts using hashtag #write31days, and I’d LOVE to connect on Facebook at facebook.com/AmyBPederson! I’m so glad you stopped by. Make yourself comfortable and take a peek around the place. You’re welcome back anytime.

Meet Darlene.

We met on the airplane, on the way to the blogging conference I’m at this week. When I boarded the plane and went to find my seat, there was Darlene, right next to me. I had a hunch she was headed to the blogging conference, so I asked and by golly, I was right!

Darlene is owner, interior designer and blogger at Fieldstone Hill Design. Little did I know, I’d sat down next to a conference speaker! Darlene is slated to speak TODAY on the topic “You are a Master Designer: Finding Your Personal Style.” Wish the woman well, will you?! And by the way, she has a master’s degree in OPERA performance. Talk about a fascinating woman, right?

Darlene and I chatted non-stop, from the second I sat down until we picked up our luggage at baggage claim. (And we’ve connected at the conference a few times since we arrived.) Let me tell you, there’s something special about this woman. In the not-so-quiet rumbling of the little plane that took us from Charlotte, North Carolina, to Greenville, South Carolina, we shared our God-sized dreams, the secrets of our hearts, with one another. Don’t ask me exactly WHY I trusted and connected with this woman quite literally out of the gates, but I did. I saw her heart, and I’m pretty sure she saw mine, too.

So I asked Darlene one question. “If you didn’t have to worry about money, what would you do with your life?”

This was her response.

Darlene would live a whole lot of love if she didn’t have to worry about money.

1) When it comes to her husband and three children, They’d “all be together all the time as a family.”

2) She’d travel with her family, see the world, and “let the world be our educational oyster.” Darlene would specifically love to travel to Italy, Switzerland, Hawaii, Tahiti, and Brazil. She’d definitely bring her kids, but would also bring a nanny along so they’d be free to go out for date nights and enjoy a little adult time together. (I hear ya, girl!)

3) Darlene would “decorate her house exactly as [she] wants to.” Even though she’s an interior designer and could do it herself, she might even hire someone to help.

4) Darlene would keep homeschooling, but would “hire more tutors” for her kids.

5) She’d set regular spa appointments and would “definitely add that into her life more.”

6) And Darlene would “give without limits.” She’d love to do some “audacious giving” as she felt led. (Yet another reason I love this woman.)

So what can we learn from Darlene?

Darlene and I connected. I mean really connected. We had a 30-40 minute plane ride to converse, so my interview with Darlene was longer than any other this month. We had time to engage in deep and meaningful ways. And there was conversation beyond “the question of the month.”

One thing I’ve learned and will be expanding on as I wrap the 31 Days series later this week, is that we need TIME with people. We need TIME to hear people out. We need TIME together, in community, if we want to arrive at a place of vulnerability. If we really want to share our hearts, support, and encourage others in their lives and dreams, we must have TIME to pour into their stories.

Thank you, Darlene, for reminding me of this beautiful truth. All of you, the whole of you, is beautiful. Thank you for sharing your dreams, for letting me enter in to your private and vulnerable spaces. I’m the lucky girl who just happened to get a seat next to you on the plane. Thank you for your love, and for inviting me in to the beautifully designed home of your heart.

Today I want to challenge you. Who have you been vulnerable with lately? Find an opportunity and open up, just a little. You might just be pleasantly surprised at the outcome.  

 

 

 

*This post is a part of a month-long 31 Days series titled Dreams from the Street. If you’d like to read more from my series, click here and you’ll be brought to the series landing page where all 31 posts are listed and linked! You can follow me on Twitter at twitter.com/AmyBPederson where I’ll tweet links to all 31 posts using hashtag #write31days, and I’d LOVE to connect on Facebook at facebook.com/AmyBPederson! I’m so glad you stopped by. Make yourself comfortable and take a peek around the place. You’re welcome back anytime.

Meet Elsa.

She’s my 9-year-old daughter. Two nights ago, she asked if she could start her own blog. I told her I would support that, but maybe it would be nice to try writing a guest post on my blog first and see how that goes!

So I asked Elsa one question. “If you didn’t have to worry about money, what would you do with your life?”

This is the response she typed, word for word, all by herself.

“I would probably be a dancer, because whenever me and my sister are bored, what we do is dance in my room. Sometimes when I’m just bored, I act like I’m a real dancer. I’ve been in dancing for 4 1/2 years. I like dance a lot. This year I have dance class on Wednesday. The type of dance I’m doing this year is hip hop. This year is the first year I’m doing hip hop and so far I love it.

I would also like to give a chunk of my money to people who need it. I would like to because I like giving to others. I would give the money to people like my sponsored child, poor people and much more people, but I can’t think of anyone else. If I were you, what I would do is give at least 5-10% of your money to charity and other people groups. What I would do is give 30% of my money to anyone that needs it.”

So what can we learn from Elsa?

Elsa is passionate and generous.

She knows what she loves, and at this point in her life, she’s willing to believe anything is possible. Elsa loves to dance. It energizes her and it’s her go-to activity when she’s bored. What did you do when you were a little girl that still lights you up inside as a grown woman? What if we let that little child shine again?

Elsa’s generous heart allows her to think big when it comes to giving. I love how she’d give “money to…much more people but she can’t think of anyone else” and “anyone that needs it.” Elsa is willing to step out of her comfort zone to serve. Her heart is open. She doesn’t personally know every person that needs help around the world, but what she does know is that there are “people groups” who need help. Bless her soul, she just wants to help.

Leave some comment love for Elsa, will you? Encourage her in her dreams, compliment her writing, or just share a little of what’s on your heart for my sweet nine year old. I’m gone at a writing conference, but she’ll be reading the post and your comments with daddy later tonight. Thanks, friends.

 

 

 

*This post is a part of a month-long 31 Days series titled Dreams from the Street. If you’d like to read more from my series, click here and you’ll be brought to the series landing page where all 31 posts are listed and linked! You can follow me on Twitter at twitter.com/AmyBPederson where I’ll tweet links to all 31 posts using hashtag #write31days, and I’d LOVE to connect on Facebook at facebook.com/AmyBPederson! I’m so glad you stopped by. Make yourself comfortable and take a peek around the place. You’re welcome back anytime.