The day started with a bang!

Just three hours in to the morning, I received news that had the potential to change the direction of my future, and if it was true, I had no choice but to surrender. Goose bumps and tears, shock and peace ran through me all at once.

So later that afternoon after I dropped my daughter off at the American Girl store for a birthday party, I found myself with an hour and a half of free time. Normally, I revel in free time at the Mall of America because it means access to every store I love, and provides endless opportunities to engage with interesting people. But before I knew it, I found myself at the Nestle Toll House store buying diet soda and two chocolate chip cookies. I plopped down on a bench in front of H&M and spent a half hour pouring over the words that might change my life, trying to make sense of it all. Carefree shoppers passed with bags in their hands, and there was a part of me that wanted to forget it all and just chill, but I was in a fog – just me, my smart phone, and my Nestle cookies. Yes, I do believe those Nestle cookies provided me a bit of solace in that moment!

My time alone was running short, so after a half hour, I forced myself to get up and spend the last 45 minutes shopping! I bought a first day of school shirt for my daughter at Gymboree, and then after wandering aimlessly, found myself at Old Navy, drawn in by thoughts of a cute dress I had recently seen advertised in a magazine.

I can’t remember why it was a special day for Old Navy, but there were balloons and big signs advertising fashion shows in the rotunda. I don’t do a lot of shopping at Old Navy, but the Mall of America location is the best by far, and the promise of that dress kept me going deeper into the store. The dress was nowhere to be found, so I kept wandering back to the activewear where I picked up a few pair of workout pants as possible replacements for the one with holes I just threw in the garbage!

I held those workout pants and not-so-passionately began looking for a dressing room, but my mood got the best of me. As I thought of those potentially life changing words, worry, doubt, and uncertainty snuck in, grabbing ahold of any reserve energy I had to try on the pants. But as I hung all three pants back on the rack, I realized there was music playing in the background, louder than any music I’d ever heard in a store.

I’ll admit, as I moved further back, deeper into Old Navy to determine where the music was coming from, I quickly became annoyed with how loud it was. Empty handed, moody, annoyed and now overstimulated by the way-too-loud music, I looked around at all the clothes and people shopping and started thinking even more negatively – we’re obsessed, consumption driven maniacs driven by the acquisition of more and more, and for what?

But suddenly, I had a change of heart and my mood shifted. The volume of the music was no longer annoying because for the first time, I really listened to the words. “Don’t You Worry, Don’t You Worry Child. See heaven’s got a plan for you.” The beat was fast and the words repeated over and over, and to be honest, that music was no longer an annoyance, but a relief for all of my worrying and obsessing about something I had no control over.

So I walked a little deeper and turned right, and there was DJLow getting his groove on next to his equipment! Just the sight of him dancing helped me chill out to the next level. The song ended and my anxiety remained much lower than it had been just a few minutes earlier, so I knew I had to let DJLow know how his choice of music had impacted me so positively in that moment.

Just as I suspected, DJLow was kind and chilled out, and he waited patiently as I tried to make room on my phone to take a picture. “No worries,” he said, when I apologized for taking so long. He wished me a better day and bid farewell.

And a shy boy with little expression danced reluctantly with another brave enough to dance freely in the middle of the Old Navy store. I smiled. DJLow smiled, and kept playing his music, on and on.

(Perhaps you needed that reminder, too?)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:6-7

Amy

*If you’d like to hire DJLow for your wedding or special event, follow him on Facebook here!

Weary, weary moms. This is for you. You’re worn, you’re torn. You’re running on empty. You give your all, and it’s the best you can do.

The kids demand your everything. You jump through hoops, bend this way and that, and drive your mini van like a mad man. Where’s the next place, what’s the next thing, why can’t we do that too?

Run here, do this, be this, respond to this, make sure you don’t forget this, and oh yes, your kid’s misbehaving in the moment you weren’t there, so take care of that too.

Forever you’ll be on the balance beam of mom and woman, but remember, you’re not just mom.

Time for you is precious, so steal a moment when you can.

Sit. Pause. Take a deep breath. Be present, and soak in the moment. Wherever it is.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  Matthew 11:28-30

Amy

It’s Friday, which means it’s time for another Meet Me At This Moment for Five Minute Friday post! I spend the last hour of Thursday chatting it up with a group of authentic and inspiring Five Minute Friday bloggers on Twitter (#fmfparty). One minute past midnight EST Friday, Lisa-Jo Baker gives us a single word prompt and we all write a blog post centered around that word. We write for five minutes, and five minutes only! In the words of Lisa, this is “unscripted. unedited. real.” You meet me at this moment in time…my thoughts and opinions, my joys and sorrows, my dilemmas and dreams. And I receive one of the greatest gifts ever…a regular outlet for processing and expressing my thoughts without constantly editing myself. This is my life, my perspective, unfiltered.

The word of the week is AFTER.

 

 

My natural inclination is to walk rather than run. I walk fast, I walk hard, I walk long.

But since October, I’ve been running, more than ever. And I get it. I understand why a runner runs.

For when I run, I’m running from something, through something, for something, to something. There’s power and there’s healing in running. One foot in front of the next, hard against the road, I’m propelled by something greater. Nothing can stop me. And after a run like that, all I want is to do it again.

That dream of mine, to run a marathon? It’s no longer so far fetched. Because now I understand the power of the race.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.  Hebrews 12:1

Amy

It’s Friday, which means it’s time for another Meet Me At This Moment for Five Minute Friday post! I spend the last hour of Thursday chatting it up with a group of authentic and inspiring Five Minute Friday bloggers on Twitter (#FiveMinuteFriday #fmfparty). One minute past midnight EST Friday, Lisa-Jo Baker gives us a single word prompt and we all write a blog post centered around that word. We write for five minutes, and five minutes only! In the words of Lisa, this is “unscripted. unedited. real.” You meet me at this moment in time…my thoughts and opinions, my joys and sorrows, my dilemmas and dreams. And I receive one of the greatest gifts ever…a regular outlet for processing and expressing my thoughts without constantly editing myself. This is my life, my perspective, unfiltered.

The word of the week is QUIET.

Ready. Set. GO!

In the quiet.

In the quiet, I rock you and hold you and love you to pieces.

In the quiet, I calm you and carry you and drift you to sleep.

In the quiet, I take all that is yours and give all that you need.

In the quiet, I love you to the end.

In the quiet, I cradle you.

In the quiet, I say stop.

In the quiet, I’m sorry.

In the quiet, I’m so glad you’re here.

In the quiet, I say start over, it’s ok.

In the quiet, I thank you.

In the quiet, I want you to be the friend that knows it all.

In the quiet, I’m sorry I’m not that friend.

In the quiet, I want the drama to end.

In the quiet, I want to be released.

In the quiet, I want freedom to be.

In the quiet, I want frosted cookies and homemade soup in candlelight.

In the quiet, I want shelter, refuge.

In the quiet, I want meaning, depth.

In the quiet, I want more with less.

In the quiet, I want stuff removed.

In the quiet, I want more Him, less them.

In the quiet, I make a difference.

In the quiet, I am free.

In the quiet, I am me.

In the quiet, I will be.

Stop.

…”Be still, and know that I am God…” Psalm 46:10

Amy

Today, insights on living from two anonymous elderly women. The first, a woman I met months ago at Target. The second, a woman I met four days ago at Cub Foods. I wondered and ruminated over the first encounter for months, but it only made sense in the context of the second. Some learnings take months, even years to unfold. Had not my heart and eyes been open, this story, this lesson, would not be.

It was spring. I entered Target, baby heavy in the infant carrier wrapped around my elbow. It was no usual day. Yes, the week had been hard. There were things happening I didn’t understand. Things that made me cry, things that made me want to hide in a bubble, things that weren’t working. I had come to Target with a heavy heart, misunderstood, humbled, quieted. I wanted things right with the world again.

I walked to the string of carts just inside the door, like any other day. I noticed an elderly woman getting a cart in front of me, cane transferred from hand to cart. Baby and carrier in my left hand, I pulled at a cart to loosen it from the string of others. Got it. Started moving it forward and slightly to the right, but realized the front wheel of my cart had hit this elderly lady’s foot.

Shocked my sense of body space had failed, “I’m so sorry ma’am, I didn’t see your foot there,” I said.

“Didn’t you see ME there?” said this elderly woman in a tone shaming to my ears.

“I’m really so sorry, ma’am. I didn’t mean to do it, I didn’t realize I was so close to you.” I pleaded, on the verge of tears.

“You don’t have to be so cross with me,” she said. “You look so cross.”

Knowing in my heart I had been misunderstood, I apologized again, trying with all sincerity to make her understand I was NOT cross, but was very sorry for this mishap. To this day, I’m confident she did not understand, did not believe what I had to say. She thought I was cross and that I was a rude young woman in a hurry. As she departed, I wanted so desperately to chase after this woman and explain my heart away until she understood it all. But I didn’t. I just milled and milled, then finally had to talk about it with someone because this had cut to my core.

I spent the last seven months trying to make sense and make good of this incident. Out and about, I took time to really see seniors, acknowledge them, engage them in conversation. Maybe I just needed my eyes opened to the elderly, I told myself.

And then there was Saturday when all the pieces came together.

An elderly lady appeared from behind as I paid. I wasn’t expecting to meet this saint of a woman in the checkout line at Cub Foods. Warm, inviting jewel tones, pink lipstick, silver white hair, an unforgettable smile, and kind eyes that had seen much. She noted the cashier’s light, asking “Are you supposed to be closed? I see you turned your light off since I got in line.” Young man explained he was going on break once we were through. Elderly lady exclaimed “Oh good, you really need a break to take care of yourself. Good for you.”

She turned towards my children who were obediently packing bags of food as I had asked, smiled at them, then at me. I saw her notice and was intrigued by this woman. I felt comfortable to share I was proud because they stayed up really late at a sleepover the night prior and could be behaving much worse considering it was almost bedtime. As she passed with her two or three items, she so sweetly commented to my children, “I would be much worse off if I stayed up that late! You two are doing very well helping your mom. You have a great night.”

Sweet. Kind. Compassionate. Full of grace. A woman that notices, a woman that takes time to look deeper into the hearts of others. Not to mention as beautiful and poised as a woman could ever be. That’s who this elderly woman was and I was honored to have met her even for just a couple minutes.

And this time? This time, I wanted to chase after the woman and tell her how wonderful she was and how she was full of such grace and beauty, and how I admired everything about her in just a couple minutes of experiencing who she was. But I didn’t. I sat with it and thought how stupid it was to have left my camera at home and reveled in how magnificent this encounter had been, how it so strongly contrasted with my experience at Target months ago.

And so it is. We have a choice about how we will be in this world. We can fill others’ carts or empty them. We can choose to be a victim, leaving others feeling unsure, as if they failed or did something wrong. Or we can choose to be a warm, lovely ray of hope in this world, encouraging, noticing and loving others, and always full of grace.

May the elderly woman at Target experience acknowledgment and love from those in her circles, and may the elderly woman at Cub Foods continue to bring joy into others’ lives just as she did for me that day.

As for me, I need to surround myself with people that build me up, care for me, and love me for who I am.  May I not live life as a stressed out victim, but with grace and peace and love and joy, so others may see the light in me.

You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.  Matthew 5:14-16

Amy