Nearly all the guests had left. Just a few remained, mingling and chatting quietly in our kitchen and living room.
The evening was much more than the pipe dream I thought it was when I applied to host two months prior. It was God’s dream, God’s gift to us. Singer/songwriter, Ginny Owens, in our house performing an acoustic concert for an audience of 43.
Who would have guessed?
Who would have known this was possible?
Who would have believed such a thing to be true?
Ginny shared mentoring words with young and wise singer/songwriter, Jessica Joy, on our living room couch. Before I knew it, we were all gathered for a group picture in remembrance of the night Ginny Owens and Jessica Joy performed at our house.
I honestly can’t remember how it all went down or what the conversational context was, but shortly after we dispersed from the photo, Ginny said these words to me – totally unprompted, mind you.
“You’re so fun.”
I promptly called her on her word choice. “Funny you say that because FUN is the last word I would use to describe myself. In fact, I wrote a post about that just a couple weeks ago, how I’m so NOT fun.”
Ginny disagreed, “You are SO fun! You opened up your home to all these people and let us perform!”
The conversation moved on. I didn’t have much more to say about that, but deep down Ginny’s words struck me like gold.
I’m fun? Really?
She sees me as fun? Really?
There’s no way it’s true.
I’m so NOT fun. I’m one of the most serious people I know. I take everything to heart and have been told hundreds of times to have more fun and be more excited about life.
What is this talk of me being FUN?
The night wrapped and a couple hours later I found myself in bed, unable to sleep. I was wired, like a maniac, like the night before I left for the Dominican Republic with Compassion International and didn’t get a wink of sleep.
I didn’t fall asleep until 1:30 a.m.
I woke up again at 3:00 a.m. and was up wide awake until 4:30 a.m.
Seems there was a battle in the middle of that night. A battle between good vs. evil, a battle between doubt and belief, a battle between the night being an amazing miracle and the night being pretty good with a few mishaps here and there, a battle of wondering why I was mostly serious and if I was even just a little bit fun.
I hope everyone had an amazing night.
I didn’t get to say good bye to LeeAnn & Ed.
I hope so and so felt welcome.
I feel bad that three people from Aaron’s party weren’t able to make it to the concert.
And what about that sort-of-awkward moment when I might’ve dove far too deep into someone else’s most serious conversation?
Why didn’t I get a picture of me and Monica with Ginny? I should have publicly thanked Monica for encouraging me to host the concert.
I feel bad that I broke up Ginny’s awesome mentoring conversation with Jessica Joy.
I didn’t thank Jim and Dianne enough for all of their help today and they stayed far too long and late.
The enemy came crashing into this middle-of-the-night adrenaline rush party of mine. His intention was to steal, destroy and kill all the joy and peace I ever felt about the Ginny Owens concert that had just happened in my house. But God wasn’t having any of that.
Sometime during my 3:00-4:30 waking, I remembered Ginny’s words.
“You’re so fun.”
What was that?
Why did she say I was fun?
What made her say and believe so quickly and easily that I was FUN?
I was all in for Ginny’s song about God “Call[ing] Me Beautiful.” But “Call Me Fun?” Not so much.
That’s when I remembered. In the middle of the pitch black room all by myself. Overdosed on adrenaline.
I remembered the 10-year-old 1986 self from home videos. The video where I rode my sky blue bike with a sky blue, orange and white striped banana seat. I was proud and true. I wasn’t afraid of what the camera thought or anyone else for that matter. I spoke my mind. I wore my homemade red backpack and striped polo shirt and stood straight and tall. I was clearly a FUN girl.
Tears came to my eyes. I felt the Spirit rush over me, reminding me that while God made me mostly serious, contemplative and thoughtful, a true INFJ at heart, He also made me FUN.
Ginny’s words had opened my eyes.
Ginny spoke what she perceived and believed to be true. She perceived and believed that I was FUN. The absolute LAST word I would use to describe myself. But God knew I needed to hear it.
He whispered it in the dark of night as I lay in bed unable to sleep. While I might not be aware of it, while I might not acknowledge it, God made a part of me to be FUN.
Sure, I tapped into that 10-year-old “fun” self in 9th grade when Jenny taught me how to swear. Sure, I must have tapped into that 10-year-old fun self in high school when I seemed to be friends with everyone and was voted homecoming queen. And surely, I tapped into my “fun” self in college with all that partying those first couple of years. But there’s more fun to be had, a different sort of fun, the kind of fun God designed me for that’s barely been tapped.
Yes, this was eye opening.
I’d go so far to say that this is what ultimately brought me peace and helped me fall back asleep that night. The realization that God created me with MORE in mind, that part of that MORE might be more FUN.
How about that?
Thank you, Ginny. I do believe God spoke truth through you that I really needed to hear for some reason.
So I’ve been wondering how this works for you, friends.
What part of you have you been holding back? What are the unknown, unexplored parts of you? Are there facets to your personality that you’ve never acknowledged, never embraced? What have you hidden from the world? What is it for you?
Perhaps you’re more adventurous than you know.
Perhaps you have an edgy side you’ve never explored.
Perhaps you need to let loose.
Perhaps you’re far more confident than you’ve let on.
Perhaps you need to initiate and believe you can do any and all things through Christ who strengthens you.
Perhaps you really ARE gracious and hospitable.
Perhaps your spirit is dying to be free.
Perhaps “just okay” is good enough.
Perhaps you don’t know and understand everything. Perhaps you don’t need to know and understand everything.
Perhaps you’re much more sensitive and tender-hearted than you’ve ever allowed yourself to be.
Perhaps you’re a dancer, a painter, a teacher, a counselor, a lover, a high flier, a farmer at heart. And you don’t even know it.
Perhaps you’re living large and you’re meant to live small.
Perhaps you’ve been living small and you’re meant to live large.
Perhaps you’ve pressed and pushed down half your real self your whole life long.
Is there anyone in the house for that?
I do believe there is.
Perhaps you know yourself oh so very well, but there’s a teeny tiny part of yourself waiting, longing to be expressed. What is that? Where is that? Why is that?
Ask yourself today.
Think about it.
Maybe you’re fun.
Maybe I’m fun.
Or maybe, just maybe, it’s something else for you.
What’s the last word you’d use to describe yourself? Does something come to mind? Perhaps, just maybe, God put a little bit of that in you, too.
What is it, friend? What is it?