Photo credit Kristina Alexanderson via Flickr Creative Commons

I love Facebook. And I hate it.

Most of my family and friends, acquaintances, writing colleagues and former colleagues are on Facebook. I’m pretty sure that’s true for you, too. With that in mind, it seems logical that Facebook should be the most welcoming social media of all. Everybody we know and have ever known is on there, right? So why does Facebook feel like a threatening place sometimes? Why does it make us feel insecure? Why does it have the power to cause us to second guess our lives? Why do some people post daily while others simply “troll” the feed without posting a thing of their own? Why do some people go deep and personal while others post pictures of cats and politicians? Why can Facebook cause controversy within families and friend groups? Why do people talk behind other peoples’ backs about whatever it was so and so put on Facebook?

And here’s my biggest question…

Why do we SO overanalyze the words we share on Facebook?

I don’t know about you, but since I signed up for Facebook in 2008, I’ve drafted hundreds of posts, then canceled them before I even shared them. I’ve drafted hundreds of posts, then deleted them shortly after I shared them. Very occasionally, when I really need to say something or really need support around something, but I’m overanalyzing at my WORST, I’ll draft two or three Facebook posts in one day, but ultimately never end up sharing anything at all. Maybe that’s my cue to take a break from Facebook and get God and some best friends around me. Who knows.

I’ve been brave, then terribly insecure.

I’ve been real, then totally not real at all.

I’ve shared my heart, and I’ve shared surface stuff.

I’ve shared my real day, and I’ve shared nothing about my real day.

I’ve shared my vulnerabilities and dreams, and I’ve totally guarded my heart.

I’ve shared good stuff, and I’ve shared stupid surface stuff because I know that more times than not, stupid surface stuff is what Facebook likes.

I’ve shared the most real and true thing of the whole year long, then reeled it in because I’m doubtful about how everyone will respond.

I’ve shared photos and let you interpret for yourself rather than give you the whole real-life lowdown because I don’t want to cross that imaginary line.

I’ve held back on sharing because I don’t want to be “that annoying Facebook person.” And I don’t want you trolling my page overanalyzing my words and my life and talking behind my back because of what I said or didn’t say on Facebook.

I’ve felt unsure and unsteady about what’s politically correct to share on Facebook because I’ve read and seen way too many blog posts come through about “What to Say on Facebook” and “What NOT to say on Facebook,” “Most Annoying Facebook Statuses” and “The Really Annoying Friends we Have on Facebook.”

Does anyone REALLY want to be the most annoying friend on Facebook? I don’t think so. Does anyone REALLY set out to be THAT person? I don’t think so.

Why do people write blog posts like this?

Why do people share blog posts like this?

Why are we so obsessed about WHAT people say and share on Facebook?

Can’t we just be REAL, whatever that looks like?

I’ve fatigued of the Facebook fake.

And I’m especially fatigued of overanalyzing everything I share on Facebook.

Don’t get me wrong, I KNOW we need to be careful. We need to maintain our privacy and guard our hearts and keep the big, realest-life portions of our private lives to ourselves. But truth is, we live in a fast-paced, digital society. If we’re going to spend time in these new social worlds, let’s at least be REAL about it. Let’s be authentic. Let’s be our true selves.

I’m tired of writing REAL-LIFE statuses and canceling them before they hit the Facebook screen.

I’m tired of sharing REAL-LIFE statuses only to delete them 10 minutes, 60 minutes, 3 hours later.

I’m tired of doubting my words.

I’m tired of doubting my life.

I’m tired of doubting the way I share my life on Facebook.

Maybe it’s just me. It’s very possible I’m overanalyzing this whole thing. I tend to do that, you know.

But maybe, just maybe, it’s not just me.

Can we just get real?

Dear Elsa,

You started middle school this week. 5th grade to be exact. I’m not sure where the years went, but here we are. You’re 10 1/2 and minutes away from completing your first week of 5th grade.

I have some things I’d like to discuss with you before you get any bigger, before you go any further in life. These things I want to talk about are important. Really important. They’ll impact your life potentially forever, so it’s best we address them now. (I know, I’m such a mom.)

First off, you started talking about being the “middle child” last spring. Enough of that. Okay? Can we be done with all that “middle child” talk before it goes any further? I want you to know with all of my heart, with every ounce of my being, that we were 1,000% aware of this so-called “middle child syndrome” before we decided to have a third child. We knew that having a third child would mean you’d be in the middle. But we reread the birth order book and asked the experts, and according to them, any gap between the second and third child that’s more than 5 years messes up the whole birth order business. Do you remember there’s almost 7 years between you and your baby sister? That means that we see YOU as our first baby girl. And while your sister is the third child (the baby of the family) she also acts as a functional only child because of the large gap between the two of you. We never, ever want you to feel like a slighted, less than, overlooked “middle child.” A parent never intends that for their child, and we certainly thought and overthought that a million ways before we had you. So please, before we go any deeper with these “middle child” references, can we just stop? If it’s our favorite “The Middle” TV show that’s influenced you wrongly, please don’t let them talk you into this “middle child” business. Your place in our family is unique. We thought of you most extensively before we brought your baby sister into the world. And we love you as our daughter. You are your own person with your own set of beautiful gifts and talents. So please rest assured in who you are, your unique place in our family, and your unique place in this world. There’s only one you.

On a similar note, I noticed that a deadly word started creeping into your vocabulary this summer. Perfect. Ugh. You know how much I hate that word. You must know now. There is no such thing as perfect. No human being, no circumstance, no place or thing is perfect. You’ve referenced the fact that you like your clothes to be perfect, that you want to make sure your hair is perfect. I just want you to know that seeking perfect, that striving for perfect will get you nowhere fast. Your longing for perfection will only be found in heaven. I’ve called you on your perfect references, and I’ve explained why it’s not a goal I want you striving for. Let me tell you something. I’ve been there done that. Perfect? It’s been my goal, the thing I’ve been striving for, the thing I’ve been longing to be, the thing I’ve been trying for so long, the thing I’m dying a slow death over. SO done with that. SO not attainable. I’m still working it out at 39+ years old. So sweetie, just let go of perfect now. Okay? Right now. Before its snares grab ahold of you tighter. Let it go. Let go of any and all notions of perfection.

I have some more things to say, if you don’t mind. This is sounding more like a preaching session, so before I go any further, please accept my apologies and acknowledgement that I am being sort of preachy. I want what’s best for you and I do believe these items are critical for a girl in middle school who will soon be a young lady.

Now let’s move on to some things that are amazing about you!

I love that you’re SO confident in your skin. Body image isn’t a concern of yours one bit. I’m so grateful. I’m so glad. I’m elated beyond words. Can we keep it that way? Because as far as I’m concerned, the more years we can squeak by with you feeling completely confident in your own skin, in your own body, the better! Odds are, there’ll come a time when you’ll wake up to the world of fashion models and movie stars and how you’re “supposed to look” and you’ll turn that ugly corner. But for now, I’m LOVING that you’re LOVING yourself and that body of yours. Don’t let your friends, boys, TV or YouTube videos sway your opinion about yourself. Be confident. Rest assured that you are awesome! You are cute! You are beautiful. You are sweet, smart, social and hard working.

Keep being yourself. You have a crazy-good, fierce blend of my sensitivity and your dad’s extroversion. That’s a powerful blend for you, girl. You’re going places. You love people. You love socializing. You love being in the center of the action. You love to know what’s happening and where it’s happening and how long before we can get there and go there. Am I right, or what?! You love fashion, and you love style. You love styling hair, and you love doing nails. (Where in the world did that come from? I hate painting my nails!) You’re sensitive. Empathetic. So much so that you cry when I cry. Maybe it’s a curse. Maybe it’s a blessing. It’s all good. You’re a sweet soul. Keep being who you are. I’m not here to stop you. Sure, I don’t like socializing or hair or nails nearly as much as you, but I’m in. I’m fully in to whoever you are, whoever you want to be, wherever you are. I’m in. All in. So go, girl. Be yourself. Do your thing.

Last, but most certainly, not least. Don’t stop asking questions. Like “Why do the clouds get dark when it’s going to rain?” “Why do I have everything I need and want, and they don’t have anything?” about children living in extreme poverty. And “Are God and Jesus the same?” It’s good to have questions. It’s good to ask questions. You will continue to have questions as you grow up. Keep asking. As human beings, we must keep asking the hard questions. We must keep allowing ourselves to wonder WHY. Don’t stop asking. Keep that curiosity. Keep that open mind. Keep questioning status quo. Keep wondering why and how and why not? Those questions will bring you far. Those questions will set you apart from those who choose to look away, from those who choose to stop asking, from those who just don’t care to ask anymore. Those questions will help you see things others don’t see. And eventually, those questions will make you wise beyond your years.

With those deep thoughts in mind, I guess that’s about all I have to say today.

I’m proud of you. You’re awesome. You’re a sweet surprise. And a beautiful delight.

Keep being you, just as you are.

We love you,

Mom

This letter to my 10-year-old daughter, Elsa, is second of a three-part letters series I’m writing to my children as we’re entering major transitions for each of them. I wanted to capture my thoughts and feelings before the moment passed. If you want to read my letter to my near 13-year old son, Cooper, click here. If you want to read my letter to my 3 1/2-year-old daughter, Maisie, click here.

Today, I honor the 10-year-old girl who asked for a camera in 1986, got one for Christmas, and never stopped carrying it around from that day forward.

Today, I pay tribute to the dreams of the high school student, the college student who quietly included photography on a list of possible career aspirations, but quickly decided NO – photography’s not safe, not what’s expected, doesn’t pay enough, is too lofty, too dreamy, too unpredictable, too artsy, too out of the box.

Today, I remember the girl, the teenager, the college and graduate student, the wife, the mom, daughter, sister and friend who always felt a tad out of place carrying that camera around everywhere she went, like she needed to hide something, like she didn’t quite fit in with that thing, like she was always a bit awkward holding that camera at her side when most seemed to go about life as usual without one.

Today, I acknowledge her visions.

Today, I’m proud of the woman who realized she’d grown out of every camera she’d ever owned.

Today, I’m rooting for the woman who stepped out of the box, took a risk, and told her husband it was time – time to make a significant camera upgrade, time to explore this photography dream, time to do it once and for all.

Today, I’m grateful for a husband who said “Yes, let’s do this. But I want you to get good. Really good.”

Today, I’m still surprised by the woman who bought that dream camera and three months later, put a photography dream out there in My Life. Part Two. without having a clue if it would really come true.

Today, I’m overwhelmed by a God who knits us, weaves us, makes us beautiful. Grateful for a God who pursues relentlessly, creates ways where there are none, reminds us that He made us for a purpose, fashioned us for such a time as this.

Today, I’m incredibly humbled (and a little bit terrified) to launch Knit Woven Made, my photography business. The name, Knit Woven Made, is inspired by my favorite scripture, Psalm 139:1-16.

I’m still in exploration mode.

Still doing photo shoots for FREE, and will be through the end of August 2015.

I purchased two domain names for a photography website when the business becomes official:

www.knitwovenmade.com

and

www.knitwovenmade.org

Why reserve .com and .org domains, you ask? Because my long-term vision for photography includes service and giving, loving and encouraging creatively through photography. I’ve dreamed up a non-income generating photography project that would be incredibly meaningful and fulfilling to me as a photographer, writer and human being. So while my future photography website is highly likely to be a .com, I’m leaving open the possibility of a .org. Because I’m no longer limiting God’s ways, paths or plans.

My photography dreams are just as dear as my writing dreams. I believe they’ll work in tandem. It’s my intention to give these writing and photography explorations my full effort so at the end of life, I can rest in peace knowing I pursued my loves, developed my gifts, and fulfilled my God-given purpose.

Before I share a few photos, I’d love to share a few details!

This month, August only, I’ll be doing a limited number of FREE photo shoots. I have 14 1/2 years working as a speech-language therapist and a special interest in special needs, so I’d absolutely love to do more special needs photo shoots. This would also be a perfect opportunity for milestone photographs, and I’m hoping to improve my family posing skills, so if you’re fun, flexible, casual and haven’t had family photos in a while, I might be your photographer! I’m open to just about anything from maternity to special events to low-key graduation photos.

All September and October 2015, I’ll be running an introductory rate of $50 for one 60-75 minute photo session.  

All photo sessions are on location, in the comfort of your home (if I know you personally) or at an agreed upon favorite outdoor destination. I’m willing to photograph anywhere within reasonable driving distance in the northwest suburbs of Minneapolis/St. Paul. When you make an inquiry, please include your location so I can determine the feasibility of a shoot.

During our photo shoot, I’ll take as many photographs as I’m able. After the shoot, I will edit out the bad, blurry, and just okay photographs. I’ll leave you with all the good, great and awesome photographs from the session! You will receive a CD with full rights to photographs.

I’ve owned my dream camera for 11 months, but I’ve been taking photographs relentlessly for nearly 30 years. In fact, photography’s the only thing I’ve done my whole life without fail. So while I can’t promise you perfection in these early days, I can promise you heart, hard work, and a bunch of photographs I hope you’ll treasure for years to come.

It would be a true honor and delight to have you click on over to my new Facebook page for photography! I’m launching it today at www.facebook.com/knitwovenmade. When you visit, be sure to “like” the page and scroll all the way through the feed, which includes photos from four of six full-length photo shoots I’ve done, and three blog posts I’ve written about photography. From here on out, I’ll be posting all photography updates on that page. Please feel free to share this post and the Facebook page with anyone you think might be interested!

If you would like to take advantage of a FREE photo shoot in August or want to schedule a $50 introductory shoot for September or October, please leave a comment at the bottom of this blog post, contact me via the Facebook page, or send me an email at amybpederson@hotmail.com.

Thanks, everyone! And may you be blessed, remembering you’re Knit Woven Made.

Today marks my three year blogging anniversary!

Three years is respectable. In fact, my husband says he’s surprised I’ve remained so committed and passionate about writing after all this time. But I have to be honest, sometimes I feel like I’m lagging a bit. I’ve been writing forever and at this point, I’m convinced I was supposed to start blogging a lot sooner than I did. After all, I began writing in diaries in junior high. I felt a strong call to write for someone other than myself all the way back to 2003. I daydreamed about writing until 2010 when I bought a domain and got everything set up, but decided the blog I’d conceived wasn’t quite right. When I could no longer hold in the words, when I could no longer take the agony of paragraphs continually drafting in my head, I launched this blog, Divine in the Daily, on July 30, 2012.

It’s been a long road to get to this place. But the journey is just getting started.

I’ve noticed something in my beautiful circle of writers. Many writers my chronological age of near 40, 40, and just past 40 are far ahead of me. They’re published. They’re speaking. They attend ALL the fabulous writing conferences, are friends with ALL the writers in our niche, and regularly contribute on this site and that. I’m not published. I’m not speaking (heck, just the thought of that scares me). I don’t contribute on any site. I’ve attended one writing conference and will be attending my second this fall. And I have two to three handfuls of writers I would consider friends or becoming friends.

In the days leading up to this blogging anniversary, I’ve been thinking about who I once wanted to be as a writer vs. who I now know myself to be as a writer. It’s useless to compare myself to writers my age. It’s useless to compare myself to writers younger than me. It’s useless to compare myself to anyone for that matter. I’m not Ann or Angie, Jen or Jennie, Sarah B Or Sarah Mae. The beautiful truth is, God’s plan for each one of His creations is unique.

We attended a funeral for a 13-year-old girl this morning. Beautiful. Shy. Fun. Loved home, books and her family. Sweet Olivia. Why would God take His daughter home so soon? Why so young? Why?

As much as I would like to know WHY Olivia’s life had to end so soon, I don’t need to understand WHY. We don’t know WHY. But as the pastor said, it’s our responsibility to LIVE for OLIVIA, to trust that God has a master plan, a master design for each one of us and all of creation.

Perhaps I needed that funeral this morning, on the day that marks my 3rd blogging anniversary. God’s timelines are better than our own. Sometimes we don’t understand His plans at all, sometimes we want things to happen slower or faster, sooner or later than they do. But in the end, everything works together for our good.

So here I am. Faithful to the call.

Writing.

That’s all I need to do. That’s all I need to know.

Now that I’ve gotten all the deep and heavy stuff out of my system, I’d like to celebrate.

3 years of writing.

320 published blog posts.

62 unpublished blog posts.

And YOU, my readers, my lovely, wonderful, caring, loving, understanding, wise and loyal readers. I am so grateful for you. Without readers, a writer’s words fall silent. Without you, none of this blogging business would mean anything. So thank you. Thank you dearly.

In honor of you who have faithfully read my words, I’d like to share my 10 MOST READ BLOG POSTS. Here they are, in order. Do with them what you may. Read the list, click and refresh your memory, or read them all if you have a bunch of free time on your hands this weekend!

1. Dear Jamie: A Letter to My Childhood Friend
2. Dear Denise: A Letter to My College Roommate
3. Dear Rachel: A Letter to My Former Colleague, Mentor and Friend
4. Dear Cyndy: A Letter to My Second Mom
5. Meet Mick
6. Meet Tiffany and Raegan
7. In Which I’m Throwing a Belated Retirement Party for My Dad, Mr. Femling!
8. The Apple of My Eye
9. Dear Eli: A Letter to My Son’s Swim Instructor
10. Dear Grandma: A Letter to the One Who Made Her Mark

As you can see, my Letters to the Unthanked series has been an incredible hit. I believe in the power of a well-written, heartfelt letter. So much so that I’ve been seriously pondering a long-term “letters” series. I have a couple ideas in mind, but don’t anticipate starting anything until November at the earliest, maybe after New Years.

And now, to conclude this most random of posts, I would like to answer two questions you left for me about writing and blogging!

Question #1: Do you care what people think of your writing?

Ummm…yes. I definitely care what people think of my writing. Thank you for asking. Writing this blog has forced me to address my people pleasing tendencies.

I totally want you to like my writing. I totally want you to LOVE my writing. When people “read your heart” and read it often, they begin to understand WHO you are at your core; this puts you in a continuously vulnerable position as the writer. So I love it when you read and relate to what I’m writing. I love it when you comment, when you let me know my writing inspired you or moved you or touched you somehow. I do care what you think about my writing. I want you to like it. I want it to help you. I want my writing to help you realize you’re not alone in whatever you’re facing. I want my writing to impact your life.

But in three years of blogging, I’ve also realized that I can’t please everyone. If I sat and obsessed about your response every time I pressed publish, I’d be paralyzed and would never share a thing. People don’t always think the way I think. People don’t always care about the things I care about. Sometimes I write stuff that’s too crazy deep and sometimes people think I’m sharing too much. Sometimes I just need to write for myself, and sometimes I need to write for a niche audience who needs to hear a particular message. And then there’s the whole busy factor. People are busy. People don’t have a lot of time to read. People have hundreds of posts to choose from as they scroll through Facebook, Twitter and email. Sometimes I wonder what people think when they scroll past my post and choose not to read, but honestly, it’s not worth the obsession.

Whether a post is a huge success or barely anyone reads, I do care. But I can’t care too much. I am learning to trust that the people who NEED to hear my words on any given day will HEAR THEM. That’s all that’s important.

Question #2: What is your long-term goal for your blog?

This question is BIG! While I’m quite transparent about most things on the blog, I guard the specifics of my writing dreams closely, so I’d like to share the big-picture, long-term goals without going into great detail. Here goes!

1. Maintain this space as a creative outlet for me to express and share beautiful, relevant and honest writing that comes from my heart. I need a place to write. I enjoy blogging. And I appreciate the dialogue and connection blogging provides. So I might as well write here, right?
2. Maintain this space as an opportunity to serve others, to reach out to others, to help others realize they’re not alone in whatever it is they’re facing, to engage in important dialogue, and to build authentic relationships with readers. One of my biggest dreams for this space is to use my writing to advocate for those whose voices need to be amplified not only in the USA, but in Haiti, Africa and around the world as I’m called.
3. Further develop and refine my writing so someday I have the possibility of becoming published. Yes, the answer to this question wouldn’t be complete or honest unless I admitted that I would like to be a published author someday. Perhaps that’s a surprise to some of you, perhaps that’s not a surprise to others. This is obviously a BIG goal and one I’ve spoken very little about on this blog or in real life. I guard the details of this long-term goal closely as it feels incredibly vulnerable, unsure and unknown. But a post is planned for September that will reveal next steps for my writing. So keep an eye out for that!

I do believe that’s more than enough for now, friends! It’s been a delight to share these random insights with you today on this 3 year blogging anniversary. Thank you for reading and for listening. This post has been a work in progress, spanning all summer day long as I’ve been able to write in bits and pieces, 9:00 a.m. all the way until 11:00 p.m. Good night and good morning, friends. Have a great day.

I bought her from a street vendor in Haiti.

Poverty stricken men begged for our business. They didn’t have to beg me a second for her. I saw her. I wanted her from the minute I laid eyes on her.

I bought her for $12. Didn’t barter a cent. She’s worth far more.

If she were to break, I would freak.

She’s pregnant. Expectant. Waiting on something more.

She doesn’t push or shove her way to delivery. She wants nothing more than to birth when the time is right.

She’s beautiful. Ripe. Swollen with new life.

Moves my heart so.

She’s been on my dresser for a year and a half. I stare at her nearly every morning before I rise from bed.

Three weeks ago, I brought her to her rightful place. Downstairs. Where we move. Where we live. Where I write and ponder. Where she can be treasured, loved and remembered for who she was, for who is, for who she will be.

Expectant.

Lovely.

Full of promise.

Peaceful.

Mama.