This is a story about volunteering written by my younger sister, Tiffany, who has a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type. Tiffany has shared regular stories on my site since February 2015. The purpose of her writing is to raise awareness of what it’s like to live with mental illness. I’m hoping her stories will help readers recognize that we all have hopes, dreams, challenges and mountains to climb regardless of our mental health status. If you’d like to read the stories I’ve written about Tiffany’s journey and all the stories she’s shared on this site, check out Tiffany’s Story. Without further ado, here’s Tiffany.

I can’t work full-time or even part-time right now because my Schizoaffective disorder, anxiety and other mental health conditions do not allow me to. I get overwhelmed and shut down if things are not in an exact order. Work is usually not in an exact order. I get overwhelmed, don’t get enough sleep and in the past have always quit the job I had. Usually I thought that other workers were plotting against me. That is why my current situation is a perfect reason to volunteer. I volunteer so I can be productive and help people at the same time.

A few of the volunteer jobs I’ve had are college writing tutor, tour guide at the University of Minnesota in Duluth (UMD), emergency room communications, public relations intern, street team efforts for a well-known music company, television news room volunteer and Vice President for my daughter’s Head Start program. I’d like to share a few of my volunteer experiences with you and explain how those opportunities led me to be the person I am now.

One of my degrees in college was Professional Writing. I took a number of courses in writing, and was referred by the Communications department to be a writing tutor. I was a writing tutor for a couple years. I was honored to be a tutor, and had a great time working with various students. There were many times that I’d have to ask other tutors for help or I’d look in my writing manual. Being a writing tutor gave me the confidence I needed to use writing skills in future jobs.

During college, I was also a volunteer tour guide. I gave tours to prospective students who were looking at UMD. I usually talked the entire time during the tours, and pointed out areas of significance at the University. I surprised myself during the tours because I knew more than I thought I did. I really enjoyed that volunteer job. The volunteer tour guide job helped my confidence as an individual.

I was a busy girl during college. For one of my courses, I had to select from a few volunteer opportunities. I chose to volunteer in the emergency room in Duluth, Minnesota. I would visit with the patients that came into the emergency room, and I led them to where they needed to be. I would often hang out with children. I also noticed a high number of homeless people who would come in for shelter, especially during the chilly winter months. This particular volunteer experience sparked my love for helping people in crisis. Being a volunteer in the emergency room was one of my favorite volunteer experiences during college!

One of my college courses also involved volunteering for a communications job. At the time, I was working for a television station as a News Producer. I also wanted to explore working for a public relations agency, so I volunteered for a well-known public relations firm in town. I worked on various projects they needed help with, and really got to explore what public relations was all about. This particular volunteer job led me to work for a public relations firm in Minneapolis after I graduated from college. I was starting to show severe symptoms of mental health issues, and only stayed at that job for a couple years because of my move to Los Angeles. But working in the public relations industry was very rewarding.

I lived in the Minneapolis area on and off for a couple years. Almost daily, I would go to the local coffee shop that had computers to explore volunteer and job opportunities. I came across a music company called V2 who were looking for street team volunteers. Due to my experience, I started volunteering for V2 shortly after my communications with them. They would send me hundreds of posters to hang and CDs to give out on the street. Some of the musicians I worked for were the White Stripes, Moby and Zap Mamma. I was also in charge of picking the musicians up from the airport if they had events in town. One day I spent the day with Zap Mamma. Do you know who she is? I picked her up from the airport, went to a radio show with her and attended her concert. I LOVED getting the Moby merchandise because he’s always been my favorite musician. During this experience, my mental health was getting worse. I would sit and read books for days, thinking they were speaking to me. I was told to pick up Moby from the airport and to get him to locations he needed to be at. I unfortunately missed meeting Moby because I was doing horribly mentally. I had to cancel this volunteer opportunity because I was so messed up. I still think about this opportunity and regret my decision to cancel. Working as a V2 volunteer ended when I decided to move to a new town. The opportunity was amazing, and I often wish I lived in a bigger city to do something like that again.

My daughter was involved in Head Start during preschool. I volunteered to be Vice President while she was in that program. Once again, I surprised myself with what I could accomplish. I ran several meetings alone because the President was not there. I chose to do this volunteer job because I wanted to reassure myself that I could accomplish volunteer jobs that would lead me to future opportunities.

The most recent volunteer job that I had for a very short time was in the local newsroom in the city I currently live in. As I stated earlier, I was a news producer in my early 20s. I knew how to run most of the newsroom operations, but I was not familiar with many things, including camera operations. I gave up on the newsroom volunteer opportunity because I did not have the confidence I needed to succeed.

Volunteering makes me feel good about myself. I’ve also learned that many people have problems as bad as mine or worse. I am not currently volunteering, so I hope I can find other volunteer opportunities in the near future. I need to find opportunities that fit well with my mental health issues and being a mother of two young children. Volunteer opportunities can be awesome if you can find the right fit for your lifestyle!

Tiffany

Something’s come to my attention, moms. Something’s on my heart this Mother’s Day.

Too often, we write ourselves out of our own story.

When our first child was two or three years old, I remember being at my in-law’s house and asking them to watch our son for a couple hours so I could get out and have some time by myself. The outing wasn’t complicated – all I did was go to the mall and meander around for a while – but my memories remain vivid 12-13 years later. I remember feeling completely free as I strolled around the mall that day. Free to be me. Just me. I also remember feeling guilty for feeling so free. After all, I was visiting my in-laws, and wouldn’t it be better for me to be spending time with them since we were there for such a short time? Shouldn’t I want to be with my precious son every waking hour of every waking day? Why was a 2-hour mall outing so important? What did I really have to buy or do there anyway?

The truth is, my default way of thinking and behaving was to write myself out of my story because I’d become a mom. I didn’t want to acknowledge that I needed time for me as a woman, NOT just time for me as a mom. But that day at the mall, I knew it, I could feel it. I needed to write myself back into my own story. I needed to KEEP myself in my story.

Fast forward to the fall of 2012. It was time for our annual photo shoot, so I wanted to secure coordinated clothing for our family of five. I found an outfit for our baby first. A super cute bright yellow sweater with a porcupine on front and a polka dot skirt with striped tights. (Hello, adorable! How cute is that?!) Then came clothes for my oldest daughter. A stunning green sundress with rick rack and a ribbon hair bow to match. Next up, my son. Gap Kids had the perfect plaid button down. Navy blue with tan, pink and yellow accents. Totally boyish but pulled in a bit of flair from the girls. Thankfully, my husband took care of himself. But oops…then there was me, the last person to secure an outfit for our photos. I really needed something nice as I was planning on taking head shots for my website during our family shoot. After all that shopping and searching for the kids, I realized I hadn’t even begun to think about myself. What was I going to wear? I remember searching and searching for something, feeling like I’d never find anything. I had literally forgotten about myself in the process, then when I finally DID remember myself, I had a hard time finding something that fit and represented me as a woman, not just me as a mom. Thank heavens, I have ONE store that fits the bill every time. I had to tell myself it was okay to go there. It was okay to spend a little more than I had planned on myself. It was okay to say YES to myself. This looks beautiful. You deserve to look and feel beautiful in these pictures just as much as the kids.

The truth is, my default way of thinking and behaving was to write myself out of my story because I was a mom. I wasn’t willing to acknowledge that I was a legitimate part of the family as a woman, not JUST because I was the mom. But that day searching for clothes for our family photo shoot, I knew it, I could feel it. I needed to write myself back into my own story. I needed to KEEP myself in my story.

Fast forward to this week. For nearly four months, I’ve been praying a 6-word prayer. Someday, I’ll share that prayer, maybe even in a book. But it’s not time yet. For now, here’s all you need to know. TWO of the words in that six-word prayer are US, as in OUR FAMILY. On Wednesday as I was working out, it occurred to me that I really should ALSO be praying that prayer with the word ME in it. So for the first time ever, I prayed that prayer with the word ME instead of US. Yes, I prayed it BOTH ways, for ME and for US. My gut wanted to feel all kinds of guilt for praying that prayer for ME. But honestly? A bigger part of me wondered how I’d been so blind to have never thought of it until four months in. After all, I was a part of this unfolding story, too. Me, Amy. God has a plan for ME. Why would I not pray for ME in the same way I’ve prayed for US? It sounds self-centered, but some of us need to remember to pray for and tend to ourselves, just as much as we pray for and tend to others.

The truth is, my default way of thinking and behaving has been to write myself out of my story because I’m first and foremost a mom. I haven’t wanted to acknowledge that I need prayer as a woman, NOT just prayer as a mom. But as I prayed for our family and for myself this week, I knew it, I could feel it. I needed to write myself back into my own story. I needed to KEEP myself in my story.

So moms, I just have to ask. How are you writing yourself out of your own story this Mother’s Day? How have you written yourself out of your own story in the past? If you take a moment to really think about it, I bet you’ve written yourself out of your story at least once. More likely? You’ve written yourself out of your story hundreds of times…just like me. We can do better, friends. We are worth it. We are moms, but we are ALSO so much more.

Write yourself back into your story.

Do it for yourself. Do it for the world. Do it so God’s light can shine FULLY through you.

Wonderful you.

Beautiful you.

Just you.

This is a story about motherhood written by my younger sister, Tiffany, who has a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type. Tiffany has shared regular stories on my site since February 2015. The purpose of her writing is to raise awareness of what it’s like to live with mental illness. I’m hoping her stories will help readers recognize that we all have hopes, dreams, challenges and mountains to climb regardless of our mental health status. If you’d like to read the stories I’ve written about Tiffany’s journey and all the stories she’s shared on this site, check out Tiffany’s Story. Without further ado, here’s Tiffany.

As a mother, sacrifices are made, but rewards are received.

My independence and freedom as an individual has changed since having two kids. To name just a few, I have sacrificed chill time, sleeping, food, travel and money. Because of these sacrifices, I have become a more well rounded and happy individual. Many times, I spin around in circles, pacing the floor, thinking “what’s next?!” My responsibility as a parent is to keep these kids alive, healthy and happy. Sometimes we do things we don’t necessarily want to do because we are making sacrifices for our kids. To most, the sacrifices we make as mothers are worth it. I have been praised for my parenting skills and how I’m raising my children, but I am terrified almost every day that I’m failing at my lifelong job.

As most of you know, I attempt to manage my mental health issues on a daily basis. Sometimes I just want to give up, run away from life and everything involved with it. Sometimes people can really pull at our hearts and impact the way in which we see life. I was in the waiting room at my psychiatrist’s office, and a friendly guy in a wheelchair passed me. I think he noticed me smiling at him, so he came back to talk. He told me that he was very happy because he recently lost 50 or more pounds. He told me about his mom who has schizophrenia. He proceeded to tell me that she gave him up for adoption because she always thought he was going to die. That mother made a sacrifice because she was doing what she felt was best for her child. He was one happy dude, despite everything he has experienced and is dealing with in life. As mothers, our priorities become what is best for our children. We sacrifice a lot, but always seem to be rewarded in the end.

Let’s talk more about managing the sacrifices we make as mothers.

CHILL TIME

I used to really enjoy “chill time” with friends and by myself. That chill time does not happen very often anymore. If I want to chill, I find myself needing to find someone to watch the kids. So chill time is more of a dream to me now. Sometimes the kids and I have chiIl time together. I used to have too much chill time to myself back in the days. Now, when my friends and I chill, we usually bring the kids along with us. It’s just not the same as being alone, but the rewards are amazing. My six-year-old daughter has often wished I would be more of a hands-on mother, playing with her. I have found that playing simple games with her, like see how many skittles fall out of the containers, works! I have learned to chill with my kids. I still appreciate the time away from them, when that happens. But I am rewarded with every little kiss, smile, hug and I love you.

Chill Time Advice for Moms: Chill for a while. Just walk away from the mess for a day or two. The mess’ll still be there to take care of at a later time. Take advantage of people who say they want to help out with the kids. Chill time is needed! Breathe when you can.

SLEEP

As a mother, I also sacrifice sleeping time, which kind of goes along with chill time. Before I had children, I would lay in my bed sometimes for days. As mothers, that is no longer an option. The sacrifice I have made by not laying around all day has really helped me emotionally. I am usually productive in some way, each and every day. My kids also have sleeping issues. They started crawling out of their cribs around age 1 1/2, so I was scared of leaving them alone in their room. Now we all usually sleep in the same room. We sleep where we can sleep. I hope to break them of that habit.

Sleep Advice for Moms: Sleep when you can. Make sure the kids are tired out and don’t have sugar or caffeine in them at bedtime. Sleep while they sleep.

FOOD

As mothers, we often sacrifice food so our children can eat. Sometimes I don’t eat because I want the kids to be fed and happy. I’m not the best cook, nor does our family have a lot of extra money. I often tend to take the easy route and go out for meals when we can, but I try to choose healthy options for my children. We are working on some issues at our house like appropriate foods to eat! We are helped out with food when we are running low. We get food from a place called WIC. They help us with essentials, like milk. I was told at my son’s last check up with WIC that he needed more healthy, calorie-filled foods like avocado. There are also food events around our area for people who want to get large amounts of food for an inexpensive price. At one of those events, a family gets a large box of food for around $15. Another option is the food shelf, which we don’t visit often. The line and the wait time is very long. My mom is a wonderful cook, so she cooks food for my family often, too.

Food Advice for Moms: Look for sales at the grocery store, buy in bulk, and be aware of free and inexpensive food events in your area.

TRAVEL

I was fortunate to travel around the country with my family when I was younger. Now I am bound to my children. I can no longer hop in the car and take off because my kids need and deserve consistency. They need me to be present too. That’s what being a good parent is about! Traveling can be expensive and is tough with two kids. Travel time is limited for my family of three, but I’m satisfied with the travel we do for now. A few years ago we went with my parents to Myrtle Beach and stayed there for a couple months. We go to Minneapolis a few times a year, and Duluth is not far away! In town, we have visited the wildlife park, bounce house, play area at the mall, and local parks. Many of the parks around here are full of beauty! My kids really enjoy getting out of the house!

Travel Advice for Moms: Appreciate the sites in your area. We went to our local state park and enjoyed the time a lot. History in the making!

MONEY

Lack of money is a sacrifice I have made since having children. I now have to budget money in order for us to survive on a weekly basis. I don’t get to shop for what I want all the time, but we survive. We work with the money we have! A number of my friends and I switch clothes once in a while. I also watch what I am spending on a daily basis, including my coffee intake! Going to local coffee shops makes me happy, and I enjoy when the kids come with. I get necessities for my kids right when I get paid. Money is tight, but we get by every month! My kids seem to think I have money to buy them anything they want. I guess that happens in a number of families, no matter how much money they have.

Money Advice for Moms: Budget and know your limits! A little bit of money can go a long way. Look for items on sale and products you can afford.

Despite the sacrifices I make on a daily basis for my children, I would not trade them for the world! I have evolved as a person and now consider myself beneficial to society. Whether you have children or not, we all seem to sacrifice something in order to be rewarded.

Tiffany