It’s an honor to introduce you to Lita who’s sharing her unique journey through motherhood as part of our month-long guest post series, Special Mamas. Lita has four children. Her daughter, Abigail, was born with a medical condition called Arthrogryposis, as well as an “unknown neuromuscular disease that causes severe low muscle tone.” This is the first time Lita is sharing her story in written form. It is, of course, incredibly challenging to communicate a life-changing journey in just one short blog post, but Lita met the challenge with this marvelously honest, beautiful and hopeful post. Soak it all in. This is one special mama.

After twenty four hours of labor, and over six hours of pushing (yes, six!) I finally gave birth to my second child. Whereas our first born remained unnamed for two days in the hospital, this baby girl was named within minutes of birth. My husband proudly announced, “Abigail, which means my father’s joy.” They placed her on my stomach and I noticed the nervous glances of the nurses as they gently touched her outward-turned hands, bent wrists, and ramrod straight fingers. I had whispers of thoughts, but never voiced them: Was something wrong? Before words tumbled out, they whisked her off to the NICU.

The days that followed brought a whirlwind of nasal feeding tubes and struggles with feeding, but also a peace that was grounded. While I was holding her in the NICU when she was two days old, the visiting geneticist came and gave us a tentative diagnosis of an obscure condition and a bleak prognosis. We were shocked and numb. She handed us her business card as she left and we never heard from her again. For months afterwards, the memory of that experience generated frustration. Not only was this geneticist’s diagnosis wrong in the end, but even more upsetting was that she had dropped this bomb on us and walked away. Later, I realized that it is not unusual to be mad at the person who brings you the first devastating diagnosis. They get the brunt of your pent up anger at the crushing news. My countenance started to change imperceptibly with feelings of despair after this and comments made by our brusque pediatrician. My grounded peace from trusting in my Heavenly Father in those beginning days started to break apart and sift through the sieve of my neediness. The peace was replaced with a demanding and scared, “Help me NOW.”

The NICU was quite a distance from my floor and the nursing assistants would push me in the wheelchair (this recovery was more difficult than my previous c-section) until my last day when there was a shortage on the new shift. My new nurse told me pointedly to walk or wait until someone was available later. I cried out, “I can’t walk that far and my baby won’t be released until she can start nursing or learn to drink from a bottle. I need to get to the NICU for her next feeding!”

My tears were angry. I felt alone.

She begrudgingly deposited me at her bassinet way in the back past the medically fragile preemies. Once she saw Abigail, however, she decided to stick around. And hearing of my struggle with trying to nurse, she determined to get me help. She became my advocate, bringing in specialized help, and I was grateful. Asking for assistance and even firmly taking hold of what I needed for my baby was not wrong. I am a strong woman; this is what kept me from falling apart during those next few years. But the fear deep in my heart and lack of trust in God exposed my demanding orphan mentality instead of seeking what we needed from a place of rest and peace that is found in Christ.

Easter Sunday, we brought Abigail home when she was four days old and my husband had a pink stork sign pounded into the dirt in our front yard with her name, weight and birthdate, but no length. As I was with my little baby in our bedroom later that day, I heard a boy walking past our sign say to his mother, “Why don’t they have a length?” The Mom was puzzled and as they walked on, a lump formed in my throat. I hurt for my girl. See, her hands weren’t the only issues. Her hips and knees were in a flexed or bent position like a little baby still in the womb, but these fixed positions called contractures were so tight that they couldn’t get her length at birth. Also, her feet were turned in so that the soles of her feet faced each other. Club foot.

We were sent home with no splints (moldable plastic orthotics with velcro straps used to correct feet), but given the directive to bond with our baby before we started weekly castings (plaster) to help straighten out her feet. In between feedings, I would lie on the bed and stroke her face and sing how beautiful she was to me. Why, yes, Lionel Ritchie was pulled out from the 80s. But his simple words were a balm to my heart. When the next several weeks brought multiple appointments, tears, fighting tooth and nail with our insurance company to go out of network, more tears, therapy appointments, splints, round the clock nursing/pumping/bottle feeding, multiple plaster casts, my calm in the maelstrom was to lie down in the quiet moments, look into her eyes and bond with my little girl. It is so easy to be engulfed in this new world and miss the sweet moments of cuddling and loving on your baby. During these stressful first six weeks, we finally had a diagnosis of Arthrogryposis and an ‘unknown neuromuscular disease that causes severe low muscle tone’ and we were well on our way to entering this brave new world of having a child with special needs.

The neurologist said due to the creases on her palms, the pregnancy developed normally until an “insult” to my pregnancy at 18 weeks caused a disruption and yadda yadda yadda. All I heard was, “What did I do wrong?” If only I didn’t eat all that tunafish and drink tap water during my pregnancy. I wonder if it was the power lines hanging over our neighborhood that caused it. I was convinced she was “fearfully and wonderfully made” until something happened in my pregnancy that caused this disruption, because God is good and He wouldn’t do this to his child, would He?

My husband gave me a gem by Joni Eareckson Tada, When God Weeps: Why Our Sufferings Matter to the Almighty, which was a blessing as I mined the deep questions of my soul:

Is God good?

Is He Sovereign?

He was able to change the outcome.

He wasn’t surprised by her having Arthrogryposis.

It took a few years for my soul deep down to grasp this truth in all of its myriad of ways.

I went from thinking in those early weeks of her life that medical science can “fix” Arthrogryposis to the reality check given by one of her doctors: “Why are you concerned about her walking?  What she needs is to work on transfers. Transferring from bed to wheelchair is what she needs for independent living.” The reality of a lifelong disability started to seep in. Devastating on one hand, it freed me from having any unrealistic expectations that would be dashed against the idol of normal. I started savoring God’s gentle mercies as everything new she did was an absolute gift and a surprise.  God was very good to show us His amazing power throughout this time. The gospel came to life in a new way in our lives. The Lord used our struggles to refine our faith. My fist shaking took me on a journey of anger, sin, brokenness, redemption in the quiet recesses of my heart.

When she was very young we worked on getting her to hold her head up, which she finally did for a few seconds at twelve months. Next, sitting up with assistance and once that was mastered, scooting on her bottom to get around. Then, standing in a special contraption with full leg braces and a walker. Once that was conquered, she started taking a step or two while we were holding onto her the whole time. Around age four, she started walking with her long leg braces (KAFOs) with her knees locked straight. She had surpassed her therapists’ and doctors’ expectations. This unknown neuromuscular disease was not progressive like a dystrophy, and she was getting a bit stronger. She has a will to do whatever it is that she wants to do. Ice skating? No problem. Marching Band. She’s got it. Her will is formidable.

There is a beautiful story that is given to every special needs family after the birth of their baby. Well, maybe I exaggerate. I think it should be given out to every family. “Welcome to Holland” by Emily Perl Kingsley is the story of a planned trip to Italy, but somehow landing in Holland which is analogous to having a special needs child. When I read the line in the story where everyone else is busy going back and forth to Italy, it struck me:  Why us? Why not any of my friends? How come everyone else has a few hiccups in their pregnancies and everything works out fine? Looking back at my childish response, I cringe as I know there are women who have a silent pain they bear of miscarriages, infertility and bearing children prematurely. My question has changed to “Why not us?”

We have come to appreciate the tulips of Holland more than the espressos of Italy.  We know more of God’s goodness than we ever would have, a goodness that sometimes gives us what we would not ask for but nevertheless receive as a refining gift.  And Abby is a delightful and thoughtful girl who blesses us in so many ways.  Our flight was diverted that day over 16 years ago, but it landed just where it was supposed to.

Note to Readers: This is my perspective and never have I shared it in written form. It was incredibly difficult to condense it down to a blog post, but I couldn’t leave you without giving you some updates of my fabulous girl! Abby is hilarious, an intellectual and a foodie who is finishing up tenth grade. She enjoys Doctor Who, playing with a local school’s marching band and wishes she could travel more internationally! We are blessed beyond measure to be her parents. This isn’t just a nicety, but truth straight up!

Lita

Lita has been married to her loving husband, Justin, for almost twenty one years. They have four kids who range in age from 7 to 18 and the initials of their first names spell out the curious little name of her blog, www.JADEintheparke.com. She is shines in front of a group and loves to encourage. She welcomes you to come along for the ride on her blog at jadeintheparke.com and follow along on Instagram at @momtoJADE, Twitter at @momtoJADE and like their Facebook page at facebook.com/jadeintheparke.

This post is part of a month-long guest post series titled Special Mamas. The series runs all May and is in honor of moms who have unique journeys to and through motherhood. To read all 13 posts in the Special Mamas series, CLICK HERE and you’ll be directed to the introductory post. At the bottom of the post, you’ll find all guest posts listed and linked for easy reading!

Today, I’m pleased to introduce you to Cindy who’s sharing her unique journey through motherhood as part of our month-long guest post series, Special Mamas. Cindy and and her husband have three biological children and three adopted children. Their three adopted children originally joined the family as foster children, and their youngest biological child has Down syndrome. I love the way Cindy rolls with the punches. I love the way Cindy finds humor and beauty in the daily grind. I love the way Cindy tells her mothering journey in the context of real, everyday life. I don’t know Cindy personally, but I can say without a doubt that she is an amazing woman who deserves every bit of blessing this Mother’s Day has to offer. Enjoy, friends! This is one beautiful family.

About a month ago, I was asked to tell my story as a mom, a mom of six, an adoptive mom, a foster mom, a mom of a special needs child, a mom of a college student. I began to write, and write, and write, but the words didn’t seem to flow. So I took a break and just lived my life.

I spent a much needed breather from our brood, ages 19, 17, 14, 11, 8, and 6, with my husband. Well, from all of them except our number two child. Emily had a rowing competition in Southern California with her high school crew, so we decided to book a hotel and make it a couple’s weekend. Oh boy, did we enjoy our time alone, as well as the time with our soon-to-be high school graduate. As we watched her instruct her crew as the coxswain (a small person that tells rowers what to do), I thought about our time together.

Her brother was but ten months old when we found out about Emily. Her birth and childhood were relatively effortless, which was a relief as her older brother made up for the both of them. Fairly easy going, she has always been a person who does not place very much importance on popular opinion. At 17 years of age, my oldest daughter continually amazes me. She has never been a source of drama. Well, there was that season at three years old where she would pass out any time she cried. That was fun to cope with. Fortunately, after a couple of years, she grew out of it. Currently, she is growing into a young lady who is smart, funny, quirky, sweet, thoughtful, and many other wonderful adjectives. Her sense of humor and maturity has definitely emerged due to the life she has experienced with her younger siblings who were, at this time, hundreds of miles away.

Throughout our hiatus, I would receive the occasional text across state lines from our third child. In his own way, Angel was making sure life was as it should be at home, while his siblings were testing their fate and pushing the boundaries. Some would perceive this as interstate tattling. I, myself, was actually encouraged. The Hubster and I rejoiced in the knowledge that Angel finally understood that the rules still apply when parents aren’t there, something that, back a couple of years, would have been the farthest from his mind.

A little over eight years ago, after being in “the system” for two years, Angel and his little sister, Allie, were placed in our home at the ages of 5 ½ and 2 ½, as foster children. The deadline had been reached and their parents had been found unfit.

It had taken the Hubster and me half that time to complete all the requirements to become foster parents. We were adamant that we would love the children and cry when they left. Because we were happy with our little foursome, adoption was far from our thoughts. Our family was picture perfect, having a boy that looked like him and a girl that looked like me. Why would we mess with that?

I remember the excitement and anticipation, though. Eric and Emily remember being pulled out of their class to introduce their new siblings. I remember sitting with my newest (foster) daughter on my lap while she played with the strings on my hooded sweatshirt, as well as my (foster) son’s continuous singing. I remember the joy, hope and love we had. I remember when we offered to be their forever family. I remember hugging their birth mom and telling her (and myself) that in God’s eyes, her sins were no greater than mine. I remember talking to the biological father on the phone and telling him, “As long as you are someone they can be proud of, you will be allowed into their lives.” Along with, “We want our children to be proud of what they are made of.” I remember dressing my girls in pink and my boys in blue for National Adoption Day, venturing into the courtroom crowded with exuberant onlookers, and sitting before the judge. I remember that judge declaring our children’s names attached to our last name, and the relief I felt. I had been holding back emotions I had no idea were there. I remember the throngs of people who paraded through our home to celebrate our “New and Improved” family. And I remember doing it all over again when we got their five day old brother, Joe, just three months later.

I remember the emotions my children had to work through, the fight to let go of the past and cling to their future. I remember the disappointment, pain, and anger they felt when they realized their birth parent went right back to the same old behaviors. I remember the tears I shed because their hearts were broken. I remember their resistance to our hugs to help them heal, the lack of trust, and the fight just to hear what they were thinking. I remember the threats to run away, the piggy banks that were pilfered, and the piles and piles of candy wrappers unearthed from hidden places. I remember the pain I felt each time my child was honest and told me they belonged with their birth parent. I remember telling them that they were right, that is where God wanted them to be, but their birth parents did not keep them safe, so God protected them. I remember tears streaming down cheeks as I told them that Dad and I could not make an Angel or an Allie, only their birth parents could. But God knew the choices that would be made so He chose to protect them. He knew Kevin and Cindy would love them unconditionally and allow them no harm. So He arranged for us all to become family.

The process of bonding seemed to take ages. For a few years, we were afraid we were losing Angel. It was not easy, at all, but it was good. Upon returning from our weekend, we realized Angel had been the “good kid,” the “responsible one,” the “one to depend on.” We had reached a parenting summit.

The week following our little getaway was pretty standard with bedtimes, school, homework, chores, and playing. (Oh yes, and some pretty creative consequences for those who were not so obedient in our absence.) That Friday, I dropped Emily off at school for her senior trip, and Eric went to spend the weekend working the kitchen at a Young Life camp.

We are so proud of the young man our oldest is becoming. At the beginning of his life, we weren’t sure if WE would make it through to his adulthood. Those memories were in the forefront of my mind after I received a phone call at 10:30 that night. The first words I heard were, “Now don’t freak out Mom, I am OK.” There aren’t many words that make this mom fearful. Here I was, sitting on the couch listening to my firstborn explain the rollover accident he was just in as the passenger in the front seat of a minivan. Driving down a two-lane highway, where one would typically keep their eyes open for the occasional deer crossing, the driver heading toward them fell asleep at the wheel. His pickup hit the van at my son’s door. Eric walked away with only sore muscles and little lacerations across his arms, torso and face. That in itself was amazing, but the real gift was how my son handled the situation as an adult. He did not need his Dad and Mom there. After being discharged from the emergency room 90 minutes away from home, he returned to the camp, slept, and finished his weekend working in the kitchen. That is the young man we are proud of. That is the young man we strove so hard to raise.

After a late night full of emotions, I woke up late Saturday morning. We had 75 minutes to get the kids up, dressed, fed, and to the local high school because our youngest, Jillian, was scheduled to compete in Special Olympics. (Did I mention her brother, number five child, had vomited in bed?) Jillie was born with Down syndrome. Her competitions included the Tennis Ball Throw and the 25-Meter Dash. Watching everything she was achieving brought tears to my eyes. I absolutely love who my youngest daughter is, and have loved her from the moment we knew we were pregnant.

When we found out we were due to bring child number six into the world, we were surprised. Going from two to five children in thirteen months is quite the endeavor. We were approaching one year of embracing our seven-member household when we confirmed the future family of eight. (The story of our pregnancy is an amazing blog post on its own.) After nine months, many doctors appointments, cheers from my best friend (who had a 16 year old blessed with an extra chromosome), and a hot Arizona summer, Jillian was born. From her very beginnings, our daughter set out to amaze the world. By the time she was five months old, Jillian was displaying early signs of communication. Though she didn’t walk until after her second birthday, it didn’t take long for her to stand up in the middle of the room and go for it. Verbal communication is difficult for people with Down syndrome, so we taught her ASL, American Sign Language. Through the use of Signing Time DVDs, she had over 300 signs by the time she was three. Before she was four, I discovered she knew her written letters as we were walking down the halls at school. I had no idea. Jillie continues to amaze us academically. Currently, at six years of age, she is reading fairly fluently, definitely at grade level.

With all of that said, it is not Jillian’s academic anomalies that make her so special to us. It is Jillie who is the cherry on top of the crazy sundae we call a family. It is Jillie with whom Angel felt safest. She allowed him to let his guard down so he could be vulnerable. Angel cherished, cared for, and LOVED Jillie. It was Jillie who provided the first ray of light through the enormously thick wall he had to build to protect his heart from a beginning no child deserves.

It is Jillie who is allowing Allie to learn compassion and responsibility that comes with being a big sister. It is Jillie who has given Joe an opportunity to apply the protective nature God has given him. It is Jillie who gets to display the traits of her oldest two siblings. She is particular and strong willed just like her brother, Eric. She gets her love for the written word from her big sis, Emily. It is Jillie who softened her Daddy’s heart that had, for a long time, been focused on correcting behaviors resulting from the previous devastation that came to some of our children before they were a part of our family. It is Jillie who I could look forward to snuggling when, with her siblings, it felt like I was hugging broken glass. It is Jillie who has tied our family together.

While sitting on my couch, I realized that in this past week, I had lived a lifetime. These eight days had not only provided a snapshot into my life as a mother, but they also illustrated what being a mom means to me. Motherhood is all about sacrifice, encouragement, and knowing when to let go. Being a mom means being able to see our children’s strengths and help them overcome their weaknesses. It takes grace, strength, forgiveness, resilience, and flexibility. My experience with motherhood is just how I like it, Never Easy, Always Good.

Cindy

“My Aunt is a PROFESSIONAL MOM.” Those words from my 23-year-old niece mean the world to me because I work hard at what I do. My career has spanned over 19 years with 24-hour, seven days a week, 52 weeks a year on-the-job training. This period of time has provided the experience with youth ages pre-birth to legal adulthood, specializing in bonding issues, chromosomal disorders, allergic reactions, illegal substance exposure, emotional challenges, as well as prolonged potty training and a myriad of other skills to pad my parenting resume. I had a limited amount of prior education including babysitting, Special Olympics volunteer, Early Childhood Education major, and preschool teacher. In May 2013, I was first asked to share my family story for a Mother’s Day blog series which gave me the penchant to begin blogging on my own. Join my family adventures on my blog “Never Easy – Always Good” at www.nevereasyalwaysgood.blogspot.com. While you’re at it, “like” my page on Facebook at www.facebook.com/nevereasyalwaysgood.

Family Photo Credits: Brooke Photography in Prescott, Arizona

Special Olympics Photo Credits: Bradshaw Mountain Special Olympics

This post is part of a month-long guest post series titled Special Mamas. The series runs all May and is in honor of moms who have unique journeys to and through motherhood. To read all 13 posts in the Special Mamas series, CLICK HERE and you’ll be directed to the introductory post. At the bottom of the post, you’ll find all guest posts listed and linked for easy reading!

Today, I’m pleased to introduce you to Melissa who’s kicking off our month-long Special Mamas series with a guest post about her unique journey through motherhood, including infertility, unexpected medical issues, depression, foster care and adoption. I so appreciate the way Melissa shares her story with authenticity and heart. It brought tears to my eyes when I added pictures and let it all sink in. I hope Melissa’s story moves you as much as it did me. Enjoy, friends.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

I had plans. As a 19-year-old newlywed, I planned for a big family and believed I had control over how and when that would happen. In my mind, we would have four kids in five years. I would deliver them all naturally and breastfeed for at least a year. I would love being a mama. It was just that simple.

I found myself seeking fertility treatment at age 21. My first pregnancy came with hypertension, frequent unexplained bleeding and weeks of bedrest. Our first daughter was born at 38 weeks; she was delivered by emergency C-section under general anesthesia, and was taken immediately to Children’s Hospital on a helicopter. She had a condition called Vasa Previa that caused her to bleed out when they broke my bag of waters. She spent weeks in the hospital and came home with a gastrostomy tube for feedings. NOT what I had planned. I had the “baby blues” for about three months, but seemed to recover quickly.

We tried two years for baby number two. A new infertility doctor told us they weren’t sure why, but without intervention we would not have more children. More drugs, more negative tests, a pregnancy that ended at six weeks in miscarriage. We sought a new infertility clinic only to find out at my initial visit that I was already pregnant again and HCG levels were looking great. We planned for an elective C-section. Our first son was born at 37 weeks, two full weeks before the scheduled date. We named him after the two doctors who helped bring his big sister into the world. Our precious little man had “wet lungs” from being early and born via C-section. After two days in the level two nursery of our little hospital, he was transferred to Children’s Hospital by helicopter. He spent six days in the NICU. NOT what I had planned, but this time I got to take home a healthy, nursing baby. The blues seemed to last a little longer this time, more like six months, but I had my old self back after that.

Fast forward not quite two years, and I’d told everyone who asked that two is the perfect number of kids as our son was “three hands full.” I really thought we were done. After all, it took medical intervention to get both of our kids. One day in September, I realized I was late, like five days late! Sure enough, I was pregnant. NOT what I had planned. It took only moments for me to love the baby growing inside me, even though I thought I had all I could handle. God knows what I need much better than I do. This pregnancy was the easiest by far. Our second daughter was born at 39 weeks on her scheduled C-section date, weighing a lucky 7 pounds 7 ounces. I left recovery after about 90 minutes and was handed a healthy baby who nursed like a champ from the first attempt. This was more like what I had planned.

What I didn’t plan was to struggle so hard as a mama. Our third child was 16 months old and I felt like a shadow in my own life. I could smile when other people were around, but didn’t really feel anything. I loved my kids, but didn’t want to get out of bed. I loved my husband, but didn’t want to be touched or talked to. I have always been a “doer.” I like to be busy, and suddenly I was sitting on the couch all day. I found myself thinking that if I got in the car and left, everyone would be better off. What was wrong with me? I had all I ever wanted, didn’t I? It was my little sister who told me she thought I might have depression. I made an appointment and talked, cried, took the tests and started medication to treat my clinical depression. NOT what I had planned at all.

Time moved on and I stabilized. I prayed daily to feel. I cried when I was happy, sad, or moved by a song. I laughed and meant it. I smiled and it was genuine. I was grateful for every day. Our family of five was awesome, and we began thinking about adding to the brood. I got pregnant very quickly and miscarried at six weeks. I started working for Just Between Friends a few weeks a year. I loved my job! I got pregnant again one year later, but found out at eight weeks that it was ectopic. It took six weeks to miscarry. The tears felt like they would never stop. There was a giant hole in my heart. My husband said he didn’t think we should try for any more, he didn’t want to see me hurt like that again. Still, I was grateful to feel.

I prayed for God to give me the desire I felt He put in my heart, the desire to fill my home with children. The answer I got is WAIT ON ME, TRUST ME. Remember those words from Jeremiah 29:11. I accepted a position as a teacher’s aide at a local preschool. I had 40 students to love on. The hole didn’t seem so big. I let go of all the baby stuff I’d been keeping, spent the “baby fund” on a pop-up camper and enjoyed the three gifts we’d been given to love. I started to understand that I can plan all I want, but my life is not my own. God is in control. So I stopped planning and started living. It seems that’s what God was waiting for.

We celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary, and I still prayed daily for God to take away the desire for more children or fill the hole in my heart. I was awed and amazed that He chose to give us two more to love. The Twinkies, as we call them, came to us most unexpectedly. My dear friend, Stacy, was fostering a set of boy/girl twins and was planning to adopt them should they need a permanent home. With three kids under four, it was clear it would be too much to take on two more. We had considered foster care in the past, and decided after meeting these sweet babies that we would give it a try. Within three months, our foster care license was in process and the Twinkies were placed in our home. More than a year has passed since we first met the Twinkies. We have been their parents for ten months now. We pray the adoption will be finalized before the end of 2015. Our house is loud, our van is full and my cup overflows.

I had planned for four kids in five years. God, in His infinite wisdom, gave us five kids in 15 years. I am overwhelmed with joy that my life has not gone as I had planned.

Melissa

This post is part of a month-long guest post series titled Special Mamas. The series runs all May and is in honor of moms who have unique journeys to and through motherhood. To read all 13 posts in the Special Mamas series, CLICK HERE and you’ll be directed to the introductory post. At the bottom of the post, you’ll find all guest posts listed and linked for easy reading!

This marks the final week of Divine In The Daily’s 5-week guest post series titled Special Mamas! Every Wednesday in May, we’re honoring real-life mamas who have big hearts and stand bold and courageous in their unique mothering roles.

Four weeks ago, Jennifer Camp, blogger at You Are My Girls and mother of three, kicked off our series with a guest post titled When Mothers Cry Rescue. 

Three weeks ago, Tamara, mother of seven, was honored with a family photo session and beautiful tribute from her husband and children in this post!

Two weeks ago, MNAutismMom, shared anonymously about the joys and challenges of raising her five-year-old son who has autism in this post.

Last week, Jennifer wrote about her lifelong desire to become a mom which led her down an unexpected path to foster parenting in this post.

And this week, I’m honored to introduce Lisa who wraps up the Special Mamas series with a guest post about her long journey to motherhood, including years of infertility, miscarriages, and ultimately, a beautiful baby boy through adoption. Lisa is a former colleague of mine, and although we haven’t worked together for six years, we continue to support and encourage one another through regular email contact. I invited Lisa to share her story on my blog many months ago, so I was beyond delighted when she felt the time was right and agreed to be part of this series!

Who am I, O Sovereign Lord, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?   2 Samuel 7:18

We knew that in this world we would have troubles (John 16:33), but did not expect it with having children. Two known miscarriages, 3 unsuccessful In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) interventions, and 8 years later, the Lord brought us to an amazing adoption agency (New Life Family Services), birth family, and our Jack. He has gone “way past our way past” and “beyond our beyond” in this journey. We share our story not for pity, but to testify to God’s faithfulness in our lives and His best for us. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all (2 Corinthians 4:17).

My name is Lisa. My husband, Scott, and I met in February of 1999 and were married in August of 2001. We truly are best friends and like that corny, yet—let’s be honest—beautiful line in the movie Jerry Maguire, “You complete me,” we do complete each other. We balance each other out, especially in regards to our personalities. Little did we know at the start of our marriage that the Lord would eventually use our close friendship and complimentary personalities to walk us through the “wilderness” for a season; a long one by the world’s standards.

Ever since we knew the understanding of the word parenthood, Scott and I pictured ourselves one day becoming a father and a mother. Connecting and working with children has always come natural to us because of how the Lord has wired our personalities. After having a few years together as a couple, we decided to plan for parenthood. Our start was nothing serious or necessarily intentional, but we felt we were ready to be parents and were open to “if it happens now, wonderful” and “if not, we’re content…for the time being.” Although we briefly discussed it, the thought of having any difficulty conceiving and/or maintaining a pregnancy really did not settle into our minds to warrant a serious conversation and a plan of action. It really was not on our radar, which I’m sure could be said for many couples.

More than a year had gone by without a known pregnancy. We decided it was time to get serious. Per recommendation from a friend, I read through parts of the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH. We charted almost everything and figured out my cycle, but still no known pregnancy. During one of my annual exams, the doctor told me that my husband and I should consider fertility testing due to the length of time we had gone without a pregnancy.

And, there it was—our first encounter with the possibility of not having children of our own.

Our initial response was moderate concern. Fear approached us, but did not settle in us—by God’s grace. We pursued fertility testing. I will never forget the day of our results after going to a specialist. He was a very kind and honest doctor. He told us that there were some mild problems, but they could be addressed and that achieving and maintaining a pregnancy with minor intervention should be attainable. And then, he paused, and said something to the effect of, “Oh, I see there is one set of results we haven’t received yet—genetic testing. Let me see if that has come through yet.” He did not appear concerned about those results. Scott and I also were not concerned about this as there were no known issues within our immediate and extended families. Ten minutes passed as we sat in the exam room. We discussed the first set of results and were thankful that the issues were mild and were very excited to continue our pursuit of parenthood.

And then, the doctor came into the room with a somber look on his face and told us that he was so very sorry—that the genetic testing results were not good, that there was a significant problem and achieving and maintaining a pregnancy would be difficult.

Wow. In a 10-minute span, we experienced excitement to press on and then…utter disbelief. Tears of confusion and sorrow came.

In that moment and for the next few years, it was difficult—very much so; yet, through it all we knew God was with us and for us. We had hope—the kind of hope that only comes from Him alone. Above all else, we wanted His will for our lives. We still asked Him for the desires of our hearts, and it was very hard at times to ask for His will to be done; however, He sustained us. He sustained us through His Word…through prayer…through worship…through the power of His Spirit working within us…and through a solid (beyond solid) support system of family and friends.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In His great mercy He has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.   1 Peter 1:3-9

The Lord was there when we received the heart-breaking news of those initial fertility results. He was there when I was hunched over the side of our bed, with Scott’s arms around me, comforting me while I was crying out with pain and anger. He was there when friends all around us were getting pregnant with ease—always thanking the Lord for this, yet not understanding why this couldn’t be us, too. He was there when a very difficult work situation occurred in the midst of our fertility struggles, which the combination of these two trials almost made it all unbearable at times. He was there when we asked Him for wisdom regarding In Vitro Fertilization—is this okay to do? He was there when our first IVF intervention was unsuccessful. He was there when we saw and heard the heartbeat of our first child at 6 weeks. He was there when I was in labor with pain and contractions over a 5-hour period, delivering our first child at 9 weeks; August 28^th, 2009. He was there when a sweet couple from our church small group shared a healing book with us, I’ll Hold You in Heaven by Jack Hayford. He was there when our second child died at 5 weeks on February 5^th, 2010.

And…

He was there when we saw and touched our beautiful and amazing baby boy, Jack Harrison, on the night he was born—Thursday, August 9^th, 2012 at 7:53 p.m.

Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone,

But still miraculously my own.

Never forget for a single minute:

You didn’t grow under my heart, but in it.

-Fleur Conkling Heyliger-

Jack means God is Gracious, Redeemed, Successor. Harrison means Courageous. In a way, his name describes our journey. We chose it from the start and held onto it for 8 years. When God put us on the path of adoption, we desired to somehow connect our chosen female/male names to the birth family. When we first met Jack’s beautiful birth mother and family, we found out her name was the feminine version of his and that the name Jack also was a family name of hers. About 3 months prior to even knowing about her and our son growing in her womb, we purchased two, husky dog, stuffed animals—one for our future child and one for his/her birth mother; a way to connect them. When we met Jack’s birth family, we found out that husky dogs were dear to them. They had raised around 20 husky dogs at one time and had been into dog sledding for years as a family. And the best part—Jack’s birth mother surrendered her life to Christ through the adoption process.

God was in the details, big and small. 

The first day we went to church with Jack in our arms, one of the scriptures shared was Psalm 37:4—Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. One of the worship songs was “God is Able” by Hillsong United, which now is like our family anthem:

God is able
He will never fail
He is almighty God
Greater than all we seek
Greater than all we ask
He has done great things

Lifted up
He defeated the grave
Raised to life
Our God is able
In His name
We overcome
For the Lord
Our God is able

God is with us
God is on our side
He will make a way
Far above all we know
Far above all we hope
He has done great things

Lifted up
He defeated the grave
Raised to life
Our God is able
In His name
We overcome
For the Lord
Our God is able

God is with us
He will go before
He will never leave us
He will never leave us
God is for us
He has open arms
He will never fail us
He will never fail us

Lifted up
He defeated the grave
Raised to life
Our God is able
In His name
We overcome
For the Lord
Our God is able

For the Lord
Our God is able
For the Lord
Our God is able

Our fertility and adoption journey has truly made our marriage and faith stronger. It could have been the opposite. We are so thankful to the Lord for our outcome. I just pinch myself every time I pull out Jack’s cute, little clothes from the dryer or when I get a glimpse of his swing hanging from our birch tree in the front yard or when I walk passed our three bike helmets hanging in the garage…I could go on and on.

So very thankful.

Again, we testify to God’s faithfulness in our lives and His best for us. We trust that our story will encourage others to persevere with hope when faced with a difficult trial and to be reminded that God is for them and has a profound and specific plan for their lives that will bring Him glory.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart. “I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.”   Jeremiah 29:11-14.

Lisa

 

This marks week four of Divine In The Daily’s 5-week guest post series titled Special Mamas! Every Wednesday in May, we’re honoring real-life mamas who have big hearts and stand bold and courageous in their unique mothering roles.

Three weeks ago, Jennifer Camp, blogger at You Are My Girls and mother of three from Northern California, kicked off our series with a guest post titled When Mothers Cry Rescue. 

Two weeks ago, Tamara, mother of seven, was honored with a family photo session and beautiful tribute from her husband and children in this post!

And last week, MNAutismMom, shared anonymously about the joys and challenges of raising her five-year-old son who has autism in this post.

This week, we continue the series with a guest post from my husband’s cousin, Jennifer! I met Jennifer almost 18 years ago. She is kind, loving, beautiful, and genuine. Anyone who has seen Jennifer around children knows she has a special fondness for them. I invited Jennifer to guest post as part of this series because I want to acknowledge the commitment she’s made to children in her life, and honor her special role as foster mom. Jennifer and her husband, Brian, have the great fortune of providing children stability in the midst of instability.

For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a mom.

I was lucky to grow up in a family where my mom was able to stay at home with us kids while dad worked and provided for the family. Mom set the example of being a good, kind, fun, and loving mom. Her songs were endless, her cooking plentiful, and her love, never ending. I suppose it was because of her and the fact I loved children that I wanted to grow up and be a mom.

So I began this “mom” journey with babysitting. My first clients were my three cousins, Seth, Stephen, and Jacob. I had to be 12-years-old in order to babysit, and I couldn’t wait. I made $1.25 an hour for three kids and loved working four hours so I’d get a five dollar bill. I was a good babysitter. I entertained them with my musical abilities, knew enough to cover the TV screen when Charo from Love Boat came out in her skimpy bikini top, cleaned and did dishes, and often gave too much ice cream. Basically, I was playing house and I loved it!

As I got older I still loved to babysit. My jobs out of high school mostly involved children. I worked at the YMCA, taught swimming lessons, and worked in the nursery. I was a camp counselor at an overnight camp, and did a few summers as a day camp counselor.

My goal, my dream, was to be married by the time I was 19 and then we’d have children. I didn’t know then, that at age 44, I would still not have children. I was expecting things to work the old traditional way – meet someone, get married, and then have kids. Well, I didn’t have boyfriends in high school and didn’t date after high school either, so meeting someone just wasn’t happening.

In my mid-twenties, my youngest brother got sick with leukemia, had a bone marrow transplant, and after five months in the hospital, died.  This event, this illness, this death, and the impact it had on me and my family was overwhelming. As I look back on it, I feel like I lost a lot of years. Much of my free time was spent with my grieving parents keeping them company. Seven years after my brother died, my father died. Life got worse for me before it got better.

What was extremely hard for me during all these years was not having someone to share my life, my love, and hurt with. I felt so alone. I couldn’t understand why God wouldn’t help me find someone to share my life with when a mate and children is what I wanted more than anything.

During those years lost, I didn’t give that much thought to children, as I was so consumed with everything else. Then in my early 30s, I had my first boyfriend. Yes, it was THAT long! One day, he made a comment that “our grandkids would be running all over the house.”  I was somewhat dumbfounded. I had never thought about having grandchildren. I hadn’t even had kids yet! That boyfriend didn’t last long, but the spark for kids was ignited within me again.

I had made a decision. I called my local county social services department and inquired about foster care. After several months of trainings and meetings, I became a licensed foster parent and it wasn’t long before I got my first call to take in a child. One child turned into two children, a brother and sister, ages 10 and 11, and since it was school break for them, I got the class guinea pig as well.  There it was, instant motherhood! It was great. I got to cook for them, talk with them, play with them, and even tuck them in, then they’d wake up and I’d repeat. These kids were good kids – fun, friendly and yes, somewhat scared. They’d never been in foster care before and were careful to not share too much. Fortunately, their mom was decent and had just made a bad choice, so the kids were with me for two weeks and then went back to their mother.

Next, I had two brothers, ages six and seven. One quiet and reserved, the other a constant talker, dancer and singer.  These two children came to me with 11 articles of clothing between the two of them. I took them shopping a couple days later and bought them Batman Underoos. One of my greatest memories was seeing the joy of these two freshly bathed boys running around the living room and dining room pretending they were Batman, wearing their black t-shirts with Batman emblems on the chest and undies with thick yellow trim. They’d get up on the couch, give a bounce and fly off. I didn’t even care they were jumping on the couch – this is what boys do, so fly Batman, fly! As cute as they were, they came with challenges too. The younger Batman would constantly turn the dimmer light in the dining room on then off, on then off. Forget chasing him, because he was younger and faster and kept changing his direction, so I looked ridiculous chasing a six-year-old around a table. (How many of you have done this?)

I’ve had green olives tossed in my dining room, crayons dropped down my heater vents, and toys thrown against bedroom walls I’d spent hours painting and stenciling beautiful for the kids. I’ve had a teenager run away as I was showering and getting ready for a blind date. That’s a great date opener, “Hi! Nice to meet you! Um…sorry, but I have to call the cops and report a runaway.” We had a nice night, but with the police showing up, I didn’t hear from him again.  There was screaming, hitting, biting, throwing, everything other kids probably do, and then “You’re not my mother.”  “No I’m not, but I’m loving you as one right now.”

Many have said, “Oh, it’s so great you are doing foster care, how wonderful of you, you’re a saint, they are so lucky to have you.” But the truth is, I was and am lucky to have had them.

I got to celebrate a child’s 8^th birthday! I was able to cook and bake for children, do their laundry, read to them, drive them to school, attend choir concerts, play games, teach them to swim, hug them and wipe their tears…all the things a real mom gets to do every day. I got to see Kat, a girl I had for respite care on weekends, grow in more ways than you can imagine – from hygiene, to school, to self-esteem. I got to see Cass, a girl who has been on her own since 16, maintain a job and pay rent, learn to cook for herself and actually clean her room. Both of these girls graduated from high school and Kat has done some college courses. I couldn’t be prouder.

While I still do not have children, I did meet a wonderful man, and Brian and I married the day after my 40^th birthday. I knew if God was going to make me wait so long to find someone, he was going to be good man. And God didn’t disappoint!

After taking seven years off from foster care, Brian and I have become licensed together and can take in foster children again. We are excited about the journey of doing this together, having kids in our home and making memories. I’m trusting God will guide some children into our home so this can be their forever home. And perhaps one day, someone may truly call me “Mom.” Until then, I’m grateful for every hug and every hand I get to hold, and I’m happy to be their Special Mama for as long as I am needed.

Jennifer