Crazy.

It’s the word I use to describe this feeling I’ve had more than once this past year.

When you find yourself thinking about things that might throw average Joe completely off his rocker?

Crazy.

When average Joe might actually call you crazy, call you a dreamer, if you told him about those things you were thinking?

Crazy.

When you find yourself believing this or that or just about anything could actually happen?

Crazy.

When it’s no longer your plan but God’s plan you’re believing?

Crazy.

When you find yourself talking and suddenly you’ve crossed over into the realm of the unknown, that other-world feeling, when you just have to say out loud – I know this is crazy, far-fetched, hard to believe it could ever be possible, but…

Crazy.

When you’re tired of thinking, tired of just believing, tired of talking and know there’s something else you’re supposed to do?

Crazy.

When you just have to start acting, living this life differently?

Crazy.

When you want to jump out of your skin thinking about living another day in this boxed in American dream?

Crazy.

When you realize the American Dream has very little to do with the living out of God’s God-sized dream for you?

Crazy.

When thinking and thinking and thinking some more brings you back to the same answer every time?

Crazy.

When praying and praying and praying some more brings you back to the same answer every time?

Crazy.

When you decide, after all that thinking and praying and talking, to start believing it might just be true?

Crazy.

When He’s calling you to Go somewhere that wasn’t even on your radar five, ten, fifteen years ago?

Crazy.

When you know with all your heart that going might finally, once and for all, decimate your fears, your long held beliefs about what’s right and wrong, good and bad, your wanting to do what’s best in the eyes of people instead of God?

Crazy.

When Going means it’s time to take that leap of faith and start doing, living out God’s God-sized dream for you?

Crazy.

When it’s almost time to go and you realize all that preparing and packing added up to a 50-pound suitcase of things for people you really don’t know?

Crazy.

And ya, because nothing in that 50-pound suitcase is for you, it means you’re going to be packing the absolute lightest you’ve ever packed in your life?

Crazy.

When you show your spouse the suitcase you spent all afternoon packing, and a part of you can barely breathe and barely be contained, and you wonder if he can see a little bit of the excited, outlandish craziness in your eyes?

Crazy.

When the way he looks at you tells you – yep – he thinks I’m a little crazy right now. But he loves you and frees you to go anyway?

Crazy.

Amy

*This is part of a month-long series about my journey to Haiti. Click here to read all the posts in the series.