Dear Readers,

I’ve referred to God-sized dreams more than once in the 17 1/2 month history of this blog.

For many reasons, I’ve chosen to be vague about my God-sized dreams, both on this blog and in “real life.” It’s been a personal journey, and truth be told, nobody knows ALL the details except me and God.

Two people know the big, sweeping picture of my God-sized dream, one of them my husband, the other a trusted friend who understands who I am.

I’ve sought council from two wise and spiritually mature individuals regarding my God-sized dream. They’ve provided a listening ear, helped me sort things out, and worked me through some practical, emotional, and spiritual stumbling blocks.

I’ve shared glimpses of my God-sized dream with three other individuals who have been more than supportive, but know very little of the real dream.

And I’ll be honest, it hasn’t been all rainbows and butterflies. I’ve learned – not everyone is suited nor ready to hear another’s God-sized dream. Because it is, well, a God-sized dream.

Having a God-sized dream means that deep in my heart, I’m preparing myself to be open, willing, ready, to live out the unique and very best life God had in mind for me when He created me. I’m ready to fulfill His purposes – for me.

While I’ve been more than grounded my whole life, and I’ve always wanted to do what’s right, what’s expected, what’s best, I fully realize that my God-sized dream is truly a little crazy. Let’s face it folks, I’ve learned one thing very quickly – when you really start talking God-sized dreams, you are GOING to feel a little crazy! It’s not going to make sense. It’s going to seem far-fetched, unrealistic, impossible. But because you believe and trust that God wants what’s best for you, you follow His plans, His call anyway.

With all that in mind, it’s time to cut to the chase.

Today, I’ve revealed how tightly this God-sized dream of mind has been held for a very specific purpose. I’m hoping to invite a few of you in a little closer to my dreams. I’d like to form a small group of individuals who would be willing to serve as a support and prayer team for my blog. Because I’ve come to realize I want and need more support on this journey.

I’ve been thinking about this for months. I’ve debated whether I should email individuals who might be willing, or whether I should send an open invitation on the blog. While there are likely at least three, maybe up to six individuals I believe may feel called to take on this role, there may be more I haven’t thought of. That’s why I’ve posted this here today.

So how do you know if you’re the person I’m looking for, and what will I need from you if you join the support and prayer team? Here are some questions to get you thinking…

1) Do you consider yourself a faithful reader of my blog? “Faithful” is relative, but I’d love for you to be an individual who usually reads at least half of my posts, ideally, most of my posts. If you haven’t read most of my posts, have there been at least a few that have deeply moved you, caused you to see differently, convicted you to live your life differently?

2) Do you plan to continue being a faithful reader of my blog?

3) Are you willing to thoroughly read email correspondence from me once or twice a month?

4) Are you willing to pray for me and my God-sized dreams at least once a month (specific prayer requests would be noted in email correspondence)?

5) Do you consider yourself to be wise, intuitive, spiritually mature or spiritually maturing, a little bit creative, open-minded, and willing to hear more details about the unfolding of this God-sized dream of mine? (There are NO age requirements, by the way.)

6) Are you willing and able to keep all communication with me in STRICT CONFIDENCE, regardless of your personal relationship with me, unless I specifically communicate that I’m making public a given piece of information? (If you feel you’d be tempted to share and/or chat with others about my dreams without my knowing, then I’d prefer you not indicate interest. I understand this sounds a little callous, but confidence and trust is important to me at this point in the journey.)

7) Do you have a special heart for me and/or what I’ve shared on this blog to date?

And last, but not least…

8) Do you feel called to this role? Is there something nudging you saying “yes I’d really like to do this,” or “yes this is for me?”

Still reading? Do the above criteria fit who you are? If so, please complete a brief survey here, including your name, email address, and any notes you’d like to leave me, and I will be in touch with you very soon!

PLEASE NOTE: I expect there to be a very small group of individuals who see themselves in the above 8 points. I’m looking for a team of 6-12 individuals at most, so only respond if you’re truly feeling called to do so. Today, as I publish this post, I’m believing there will be at least three that will respond, and that would make me just as happy as 6-12! 🙂

ONE MORE AWKWARD NOTE: I’d prefer to limit the support and prayer team to people outside of my immediate family. My husband is welcome to join if he so chooses, and I will keep him in the loop regardless, but I prefer to keep my immediate family in the loop in more intimate and timely ways as feels appropriate within the context of our personal lives. Extended family is more than welcome to indicate interest.

Amy

One of my favorite bloggers, Holley Gerth, authored the book You’re Made for a God-Sized Dream. Do you have a God-sized dream? Want to know more? Check out Holley’s book, blog, or the new website God-sized Dreams for more information.

UPDATE 1/20/14: A big thanks to the 12 individuals who agreed to serve on my support and prayer team! I’m feeling beyond blessed by the outpouring of your support, and believe I have a complete team at this time. I officially closed the survey on the blog as of 1/16/14, but if you feel strongly and specifically called to join the team at any point in the future, please contact me via email at amybpederson@hotmail.com! Thanks everyone!

One Word.

It’s all the rage right now.

And it’s not just for an elite few anymore. It’s for everyone.

One Word has found its way into mainstream culture. So much so that the Today show featured a segment on One Word last week. In the segment, Jon Gordon, co-author of One Word That Will Change Your Life, explained what One Word is and how to pick your word for the year (watch the clip here).

Didn’t watch the clip? Still don’t understand all the hype about One Word?

Alece Ronzino, founder of One Word 365, describes it best on the OneWord365 website: “Forget New Year’s Resolutions. Scrap that long list of goals you won’t remember three weeks from now anyway. Choose just one word. One word that sums up who you want to be or how you want to live. One word that you can focus on every day, all year long…if you let it, your one word will shape not only your year, but also you. It will become the compass that directs your decisions and guides your steps.”

One Word’s a big deal in the blogging community. I’ve been reading about everyone else’s One Word for 3 1/2 years now, but I’ve never chosen my own One Word.

I wasn’t going to choose One Word this year, either.

But then I got to thinking.

Maybe there’s something to this.

Maybe One Word is just what I need – to provide focus, clarity, direction – for me.

Maybe One Word will bring me closer to a place of peace with who I am.

So I scribbled as I drove.

Quiet. Still. Now. Be.Because I want to be present, live in the moment. I want to know peace.

Seek. Bold. Do. Free. Because I want to break free, step boldly into whatever I’m supposed to do next.

Love. Low. Meet. Grace. Because I want to bend low, freely extending love and grace to myself and others.

Focus. Voice. Know. Truth. Because God wants to lead me. I need to focus on His voice, know His truth.

And that left me with Go. Follow. Trust. 

I could choose any one of them, really. I need all three.

But I’m going to Trust. that I’ll pick the right word and He’ll have my back, no matter what. So I’m letting that one go.

Follow. It’s the word I think I should choose between the two that remain.

Follow. and Go.

But should.

I don’t want to live by should anymore.

Should’s been a burden. Should‘s kept me bound. Should‘s had its day.

So as much as I desperately want to Follow. and will Follow. what I really need to do is just Go.

Because I need to let Go.

Let Go. of pain from the past, let Go. of what should have been, let Go. of what should be.

I need to let Go. of perfectionistic ideals.

I need to let Go. of unrealistic expectations of myself and others. I need to let Go. of that once and for all.

It’s high time I let Go. of having an answer. Let Go. of the feeling I need to be the answer. Let Go. of being a rescuer.

It’s time I let Go. and let the Heavenly Father rescue me.

Let Go. of what was. Let Go. of you should, you could, you totally could. Go. when it’s time to Go.

Let Go. of words when they hurt, disappoint.

Let Go. when words don’t fill, heal, encourage the way I want them to, need them to.  

Let it Go. Let it all Go. Let Go.

Let Go. and Let God.

And then I need to Go.

Ya, I just need to Go.

Go. Get away.

Go. workout.

Go. get some time by myself.

Go. relax. Chill out. Take a metaphorical chill pill, girl.

Go. get some fresh air.

Go. garden some more.

Go. love like wild.

Go. love on the least of these. Go. get joy like I’ve never experienced before. Go. find where I want to Go. again.

Go. where I’ve been called. Go. where I’m being called.

Go. after that God-sized dream. Go. without doubting. Go. without second-guessing. Go. without wondering if I’m simply stuck in a never-ending daydream. Go. because what’s there to lose except my life?

Go. pursue that far-fetched thing. It might actually work.

Go. do that new thing.

Go. try that old thing again.

Go. tell them all the beautiful things they never knew about themselves.

Go. tell them what they really need to hear. Tell them you see them. Tell them you noticed. Tell them they’re loved. Tell them they’ve not been forgotten. Tell them they’ve been heard. Tell them they’re precious, worthy, irreplaceable. Tell them there’s a plan for their life. Ya, Go. Do that. And do it again.

Go. where little girls laugh. And big girls are free to laugh again. Go. Restore the little girl voice.

And don’t forget the vision. Go. Continue becoming the beautiful, old, wise woman.

Let Go. of plan A and plan B. Make room for God’s, plan C.

Go. where you’ve never gone before.

Go. like it matters.

Go. like it’s your life.

Just Go.

Go.

Amy

Who am I?

It’s a question that begs to be asked at the beginning of every new year.

For me, the simplest answer has been this. I strive to do my best, always. I prefer work over play. I notice and tend to every detail. My intuition’s stealth, my insight’s off the charts. I’m responsible, other-oriented, and in my heart, I want to do what’s right.

As I scanned through our CD of family photographs from this fall, trying to find the best picture of myself for the blog, Twitter, and Facebook, I realized something.

My best traits are also my worst traits. Isn’t that the case for most of us?

For five years in a row, we’ve had professional family photographs taken in the fall. The first three years, no problem! I orchestrated coordinating wardrobes for every member of the family without a hitch. You’d never know looking at the photographs, but the past two years, there have definitely been hitches.

You see, the past two years, I’ve been becoming more and more clear about who I am. But this who I am revelation has been colliding with who I was. And as odd as it seems, it hasn’t been easier to live out this new who I am, it’s been harder.

That’s exactly what I realized as I looked through those pictures and couldn’t find a single one I felt completely represented who I am.

Because part of me is still desperately trying to be the old Amy, the who I was. The who I was sort of works, you know? Well, for everyone else, it works. But for me? Not so much anymore.

Let me give you a real life example. I’m warning you in advance, I’m fully aware this is a first world problem, a superficial real-life example. But this example is the reason I’m writing this post in the first place. So here goes…

In the fall of 2012, I had a vision for our family photo shoot. I wanted it to be colorful, playful, casual. I wanted the photos to have a hispter feel, even though we’re totally NOT a hipster family. So I started with the kids. Their outfits were easy. Bright yellow for the baby, pink and green for the 2nd grader, blue plaid for the 4th grader.

Then I started searching for me. Not so easy. You see, I don’t wear much color. And the hipster look or anything close? Totally not me at all. I’ve tried. It just doesn’t work. But I thought I’d try again. This time, it would work. But it didn’t. I’m pretty sure I tried on clothes from every women’s store in the mall, searching for the perfect colorful, cool hipster outfit. Nothing worked, folks. Nothing worked. Between me and hubs, we declined everything I brought home. It just didn’t work. The look, the style just wasn’t me. (Let me just point out, in the meantime, hubs got his whole outfit lined up in no time flat.)

When I’d given up all hope, I reluctantly walked through the doors of my favorite store, White House Black Market. I’d never looked there once in all my searching, because of the obvious – it’s all black and white and totally NOT hipster. I was almost in tears when the clerk approached. I explained the situation and left with the first outfit I tried on. Neutral beige and white, but a whole-lotta style and bling on the ears and neck, totally Amy all around. I promised myself – next year I’m going to dress myself first and I’m heading straight for my favorite store.

As I prepared for our photo shoot in the fall of 2013, I started off on the right foot. I went straight to my favorite store. I was going to set the tone, and determined it was going to include beautiful hues of green and magenta White House Black Market was featuring in stores.

My good intentions went out the door fast. I came home sporting a solid green dress with sparkly green earrings and bracelet, which hubs very politely told me was probably one of the most boring, ugly things he’d ever seen me wear (ok, not his exact words, he wasn’t mean about it at all, but you get the idea.) Keep in mind, I’d already exhausted the store and picked my favorite for the pictures, but I went back a second time, this time returning with a long, luxurious off-white flyaway sweater and patterned green, white and black shirt underneath. Hubs was having a hard time understanding my vision. After desperately trying to coordinate three kids’ outfits to mine with no success, we determined my outfit had to go – again. So I returned it, realizing I was in for a long search – AGAIN. Long story short, I found a shirt from a store I frequented in my high school and college years – it was solid, neutral, with a bit of bling. Hubs indicated I needed a really big, bright pink necklace and big pink earrings. I politely declined the big pink necklace, made a trip to a hipster store, and opted for pink earrings and bracelet the clerk suggested before I’d barely looked myself.

So there I was. Neutral army green shirt with jeans I already owned, a bit of bling. Pretty. But safe. OK. were the words as I looked through the photographs of myself. NOT totally Amy. NOT exactly who I am.

Neutral army green – because it’s always easier to play it safe.

Jeans I already owned – because it’s always best to live predictably.

A bit of bling – because just right is always better than too much, not enough.

The revelation was clear in that moment.

I’m tired of playing it safe. I’m tired of being predictable. I’m tired of doing everything so-called “right.” I’m tired of trying to be any little bit or a whole lot of someone I’m not. I’m tired of feeling like I’m too much, not enough. And let me be clear, I don’t want a bigger than life kind of life.

I want a simpler, smaller, more focused life. I want to discover riches found only in the deep. I want to know in my heart that my life is completely authentic. I want to become more of who He created me to be. I want to be who I am.

So this month, whether I believe you’ll like it or not, whether focusing on myself is the Christian thing to do or not (yes, I’ve debated that exhaustively prior to publishing this post), I’m going to focus on me, what I need to do to become more of who I am. I’ll blog right through it, and hope my journey will spark something new inside of you.

Next month’s going to be a whole-lotta other-centered, and I can’t wait to share that journey with you. But for now, I need a moment to step back and focus on me. Just me.

Amy